A HINT of J

Bad Girls Do It Well

2012-02-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

No fabrications about this chic and her creativity. While the underlying protest for women's rights in Saudi Arabia is pure brilliance. Gotta Love a girl that creates then stays in her own lane. SWAG.

This Aint The Usual

2011-12-07T01:56:00.000-08:00

"Originality in full swing.
No abrupt endings or timely introductions.... Backward, forward, inside out.
Altering my thoughts To. Be. Free.

This ain't the usual
'cause usual ain't me.

Time often goes faster than expected
and deep thought overpowers freedom.

Somehow I gotta learn to stop that. And. Just. Be. Me.
Be. Free.
'cause dopeness is thee.

Ooouu wee, baybee! *smirk*

Laughter feeds my soul, filling it more than black eye'd peas and collard greens.
I love my grandmas black eye'd peas
But they sure don't make me weak in the knees
like a good laugh with tears that stream...
Down my face.

The good tears, You know?!
Haven't had one of those in a while.

No worries though
'cause HE promised and said,
"If we hope for what is still unseen by us,

we wait for it with patience and composure through Me."

So I'll wait.
And wait...
'cause patience is key.

This ain't the usual...
'cause usual ain't me. "

-ME

Photo Source: Google Images

It's the Little Things

2011-12-04T20:27:00.001-08:00

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves... It's the little things that matter most.

How To Be to "Holla Back Girl"

2011-12-01T16:20:00.000-08:00

The year 2012 is merely 30 days away. Santa Clause is coming to town. And beautiful Christmas melodies will soon be playing " 'Tis the season to be jolly! Fa lalalala lala la la!"

But, guess what?...

Right about now, it feels like it's 2001, and I'm the same geeky sophomore in high school who giggles with the best friend each time her crush passes their locker in the hallway. And I actually get butterflies when in his presence. Teeheeheee!

Yeeeep! I have a crush.

But what sucks is that I'm 85% sure that he's into me as well, yet I've dismissed his attempts by being a punk, and keeping it innocent.

Like, for real?.... How old am I?
I should have these flirting, "catch a man, get a man" tactics down to a science by now, right??

Uhhhhh... Wrong.

And if you dare to ask "Why?"... It's because I've honestly never been a Holla Back Girl.

*cue Gwen*

In the last six years of my life, I've been in two serious 2-4 year relationships, where "hollerin" has always been an after thought. I'm loyal. And every guy that I dated outside of two these relationships have been the aggressor in approaching me. There was no preconceived notion about the guy, and I was initially never interested.

But now, I have a crush on someone that I probably think about more than I should. Thanks to Facebook, I have a general understanding of what he's about, and it's a total different ball game. I think it's safe to say that I have ZERO Holla Back swag and SOCIAL MEDIA RUINS EVERYTHING, but guys aren't mind readers, and if I don't "Holla Back" then he will never know that I'm interested.

So despite traditional practices, I strongly believe that there is no harm in a woman making the first move to get man's attention, so I developed some ways to help shy women, like myself, become a "Holla Back Girl"...

1. Be Yourself!
Being your authentic self, flaws and all, radiates a sense of self confidence that men can respect and often find "cute." Trying too hard almost NEVER comes off as attractive.

2. Pay A Compliment
He'll be flattered. And nothing is more ego-stimulating than knowing that someone is paying attention to a small feature, and they like what they see.

3. SMILE and Make Eye Contact
Guys love a good smile. Laugh often, be positive and be optimistic.

4. Just tell him you like him.
Plain and Simple. But I'm not suggesting that you get him alone and pin him to a wall to get his attention. A subtle, "Hey"... or better yet; remember the skit on Alicia Keys' "You Don't Know My Name" track where she breaks it down to the man from the coffee shop?...

"Oh hey how you doin?

I feel kinda' silly doin' this, but uh

This is the waitress from the coffee house on 39th and Lennox

(chuckle) you know the one with the braids?

Yeah.

Well I see you on Wednesday's, all the time

You come every Wednesday on your lunch break I think

You always order the special, with the hot chocolate

Look man I mean, I know girls don't usually do this

But I was wonderin'

If maybe we could get together outside the restaurant one day

You know, 'cause I do look a lot different outside my work clothes

(chuckle) Wait a minute, my cell phone's breakin' up

Can you hear me now?

yeah, so what day did you say?

Oh. Thursday's perfect..."

Yeah something to that effect lol

If I missed any ways to flirt or become a "Holla Back Girl," let me know. In the meantime, I'm going to grow some cahoonaas and try a couple of these techniques on my crush. Then, I'll holla back after I "Holla Back"... lol

xoxo

Today is Thanksgiving. I Can't Make This Sh*t Up

2011-11-24T18:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, loves!

Life is such a blessing and this space is definitely inadequate to share ALL that God has given me to be thankful for...

However.

If I had to make a choice of what I'm MOST grateful for today, it would most certainly be :: Being Single, Free of Relationship Problems.

Now, please dont get this misconstrued because I am still waiting for my Mr. Right. *wink, wink* But after receiving these random text messages from an irrate woman this morning, I realized that perhaps being single isn't so bad after all.

**And no lie, this was the conversation verbatim...**

______________________________________________________________________________________

Angry Chic: "I would appreciate if you leave my husband alone. Go find your own man. Thank You!"

Me: "Hmmm?... I don't even know who this is. Happy Thanksgiving!!!!! :-)"

Angry Chic: "Is this Barbara?!"

Me: "Nope."

Angry Chic: "Can I ask who this is then?

(after no response from me)

Angry Chic: "I know its you Barbara. Just leave my husband alone. Have RESPECT pls"

Me: "LMAOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Angry Chic: "Yeah, you laugh. You believe in Karma? It will come back to you. Just remember when you get remarried, it will happen to you. I don't wish it on you, but GOD is watching up there. That's all I got to say.
And oh yeah. Don't think I don't know about the picture you sent him of your breasts!!!!"

(by this time, I was literally in tears from laughing so hard and immediately started to think that someone was playing on my phone)

Me: "Look girl, or who ever this is. Go eat some turkey, dont worry, and have a Happy Thanksgiving."

Angry Chic: "Sorry, I don't eat turkey!
But Barbara, if this is you, please leave John alone. We getting along good and we don't need more problems. Happy Thanksgiving."

Me: "Same to you!"
____________________________________________________________________________________________

Like, whaaaaaa?? On Thanksgiving though??!... And mind you, I have NO clue what this was actually about, but its quite obvious that the angry chic was a little frazzled and wanted to rectify the situation with Barbara on Thanksgiving. lol

Meanwhile, the moral of the story is that I'm incredibly THANKFUL to be single without this type of drama in my life. AND To ALL My lonely, Single Ladies Out There: Let this conversation be encouragement and relief in your solitude because you don't EVER want to be in the the Angry Chic's position... And ya definitely don't wanna be Barbara. lmao

Happy Thanksgiving xo

2011-11-22T19:47:00.000-08:00

LOVE & Inner Peace conquers ALL ... I swear by it.

Photo Location :: Atlanta, GA

Thankful

2011-11-13T16:12:00.000-08:00

Every time I become satisfied and complacent with something GOOD, God never fails to surprise me with something GREAT. So thankful and blessed that He continues to see my potential, and ALWAYS has my back...

There's Meaning in the Lotus

2011-11-11T22:20:00.000-08:00

Lotus (n) : A flower that grows from the mud... The deeper and thicker the mud, the more beautiful the flower blooms... Its leaves, roots, and seeds are all edible... They add a distinctive scent and flavor to the dishes they are used in...

... knowing this just made Flower Bomb ten times more metaphorically beautiful... And funny that this happens to be my 11.11.11. post... not purposely ;)

Live the Phrase...

2011-11-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

... the Sky's the LIMIT...

Endless Gems: I Miss This Lauryn

2011-09-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

"As weird as it may sound, one of my most favorite past times is to observe. Observe my surroundings. Observe the actions of others. Observe body language. Just Observe. Everything. And my fascination with the study of people (or psychology) has grown tremendously into the study of humanity... always questioning why people do, say, act, and react to Life's occurrences the way they do? Why is the world in such an upheaval? And more importantly, what makes us HUMAN (not biologically)?

With that said.

Lauryn Hill is one of my favorite people to study, and I often find myself more and more intrigued at how she permanently etched her presence in Hip Hop with the mere delivery of ONE album. And my fascination with, both, humanity and Miss Hill is the primary reason why this particular message deeply resonates with me. It not only enlightens, but I can thoroughly appreciate her stance on God's Power. on love. On Hip-Hop. And Humanity.... as it also assists me in enlightening today's youth...

it may sound foreign to some, but she is speaking nothing but the god's honest truth...

"Lets not be mediocre in our greatness"...

Listen.

Inspired to LOVE :: Munaluchi Bridal Magazine

2011-09-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

This dress is ab.so.lute.ly Gorgeous! And yes, those are real orchids that were flown in from Taiwan, exclusively for coverage in Munaluchi Bridal magazine.

But more importantly...

Munaluchi happens to be a combination of two African names, (one from Ethiopia and the other from Nigeria) which when combined means “Beautiful Work of God.” And Munaluchi Bridal Magazine is the FIRST and ONLY major bridal magazine for women of color. It's in most major retail stores (Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble etc), all major airports, Nigeria, Ghana, Canada and Europe, and it's only on its 4th issue!

Earlier this year, I had the privilege and honor of meeting Munaluchi's Editor-In-Chief, Jacqueline Nwobu, when she spoke to my girls of THE PETE Organization with a panel of FABULOUS Female Entrepreneurs. She was incredibly sweet, humble and sent everyone home with a copy of Munaluchi's latest issue that featured LaLa during "LaLa's FullCourt Wedding."

Needless to say, I was overjoyed and speechless. Not because the magazine featured Lala or because its production was so impeccable, but because for the first time in years I was totally inspired to LOVE again. Cynicism quickly shifted. And after reading the dating, engagement, and wedding musings of young Black couples, I became filled with so much JOY, HOPE, and FAITH in my future with LOVE - actually envisioning my wedding and how it would feel to spend the rest of my life with LOVE of my life.

With Munaluchi... I was inspired to LOVE.

Check out Behind-The-Scenes footage of Munaluchi's Fall/Winter 2011 issue, featuring wedding planner extradonaire,Preston Bailey .... So Beautiful! www.munaluchibridal.com

Fluid in H-Town

2011-09-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

Photo Location: Downtown Houston, TX

June- August is usually my chance to jet-set and explore, so I can't believe that this was actually my first trip of the summer (*deep sigh* The grind is so real). But, I'm happy to have visited some friends in Houston last week, while the time spent was full of chill adventures & peaceful escape. Everyone happened to be a Water Sign (Pisces + Cancer + Scorpio) which created a good energy amongst us. And we even visited The Houston Aquarium to spend time with our "relatives." lol These photos aren't the best, but our time submerged in H2O was indeed a beautifully interesting journey.

Jay & Bey @ The VMAs

2011-08-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

"Seeing LOVE is a beautiful sight...Whether it's yours or someone elses..."

Mannequin

2011-08-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

I'm really not a fan of taking pictures, but I happen to LOVE this candid of me @ The heART Gallery last month. It gives off a Mannequin-esque look, and the outfit was a score. Perfect combo for a chill night with friends admidst LIVE music, wine, and poetry.

Learn more about The heART Gallery here ---> www.theheartgallery.blogspot.com/

The Fit:
Le Nubians hand-crafted Wooden Earrings
Born To Reign Tee
High Waisted Pants: American Apparel

Gifted

2011-07-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

"Stop falling for the false bait. Stop acting acting like your thoughts words and deeds dont carry real weight in the universe.... Realize, you create your own fate. You walk yourself to Heaven's gate."

If I had the voice to express my passion for this gift, Mayda knows it- down to the very last breath... iLOVE.This.Piece.

Random Gangsta:: One for the Homies

2011-03-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

*taps mic*

Is this thing on?!

*ahem*
Good!...

...because I have a suggestion.

Why dont the media and politics just go to another planet farrrrr in outer space, join together as one, get married, and reproduce a bunch of little leachy, dehumanizing, gossipy babies??...Like, ILK!! I seriously loathe every thing that they stand for, but I'm thoroughly convinced that they were made for one another.

...And any other institution that misuses power as a source of manipulation for personal gain, or uses it to aid in the oppression of others should join them ... Make it one big ORGY!

Aight, y'all heard that?!!

*chucks deuces and drops mic*

** This one goes out in honor of the homies Charlie Sheen, Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods, the residents of New Jersey governed by Chris Christie and of course, the man with the hardest job... my president, Barack Obama.**

**POURS OUT A LITTLE LQ FOR THEM INTO A GLASS AS OPPOSED TO ONTO CONCRETE PAVEMENT 'CAUSE WE FANCY!** ... And their lives/efforts deserve preservation not social murder.

A Box??... looking around all bewildered and confused... What box??!

2011-02-28T13:25:00.000-08:00

Warning: This post is a little lengthy, but stick with me... We're going places...

SOooo... in this world, there are SILLY BANDZ -a rubber band that contorts into animal shapes, and literally catapulted into a gazillion dollar franchise..... *thinking bubble*... Hmmmmmm, OK??!

Then there are SNUGGIES - a blanket with sleeves that you can order and customize with your favorite sports team's logo or be fashionable in Leopard prints while staying warm. HmmmMmmmm.....*thinking bubble* ...That's cute!

A car battery charger. Last week, I mistakenly left the hazard lights on in my car while at work. I went to the parking garage only to find my car with a dead battery and it wouldn't start. So I thought to myself, "Ok no worries. All is well. Just call Triple A. They always save the day." But I forgot to remind myself that Triple A saves the day ONLY when they are well, good, and ready. I waited TWO DAG BLASTID HOURS for the tow truck man to come with this device, place the jumper cables onto my car battery for 20 SECONDS, and VWLAH! My car started.... Did I mention that I waited two hours for that????!...... hmmmmmmm.....*thinking bubble*... Ok, now THAT's impressive.

Aside from boo-koo revenue and the ability to make everyone ask themselves, "Dang! Why didn't I think of that?!" .... What do all of these things have in common?

When you derive an answer, hold that thought and bear with me...

So if you are anything like me, then you are absolutely obsessed with The OWN Network. You watch Season 25: Behind the Scenes at The Oprah Winfrey Show as if your life depends on it, and the season premiere episode as if you were an actual audience member that wants to relive the moment of hearing Oprah say "YOU'RE GOING TO AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!" over and over again. And sure. The wow factor of Oprah sending 300 people to the other side of the globe is enough to blow any one's wig out of this world, but my fascination lies within the executive producers, their innovative direction, and how each episode develops into a beautiful product of out-the-box thinking.

Like, have you seen the season premiere episode?!

The producers hired architects to, tediously, build 1/2 of a life sized airplane with a drop stair landing to wow the audience during a FOUR minute segment with John Travolta. They also, strategically, planned a road trip for four deserving viewers from Ohio and surprise them by driving directly onto the Oprah Winfrey stage at the EXACT same time of the Australia trip announcement. The women had no idea of their bearings when driving through the building because the producers went so far as to conceal ALL signs of them being any where near Harpo studios. (AND YES, I am STILL! stuck on that episode lol)

Now bottle all of that up, and I'll ask you again. "What do all of these things have in common?" If you answered, forward thinking and out-the-box innovations/innovators then *DING! DING! DING! DING!* You are absolutely correct.

When thinking outside the box, you become the fluorescent light-bulb that illuminates its energy onto those around you - connecting everyone to their "Ah-Ha!" moment. The concept is not about "being different" nor is it solely about challenging conventional assumptions from a fresh angle. Anyone can attempt something new and fail due to unfamiliarity. And that just isn't how creativity develops. It's about going ABOVE & BEYOND your original source of inspiration and taking "IT" to Infinity.

Creative coaches often criticize the concept of "thinking outside the box" because they believe that most people aren't natural born geniuses, and as a result, thinking outside the box becomes forced rather than an innate thought process. But contrary to theoretical belief, I genuinely believe that everyone is a genius in their own, unique way. Some folks just choose to work more hours in the lazy department when they could and should be perfecting their crafts.

I challenge you all to become a FORWARD thinker and take some of your most simple ideas TO INFINITY... become creatively unlimited... study currents trends and decide the worthiness of your idea... be realistic about the time and stamina you have .... and work according to what will fit into the reality of your daily life.

Then sit back and watch how amazing opportunities begin to "magically" manifest.

You are here....And stay there.

Photo Sources via Google.com

#2010was Incredible. Unforgettable.

2010-12-31T08:23:00.001-08:00

Normally around this time on New Year's Eve, I would be glaring into my computer screen, attempting to prepare a written philosophical piece in reaction to the year's happenings. But in all honesty, #2010was an amazing year, and I really have nothing deep to say. This was my year of Growth. Changes. Challenges. Self-Introspection. And I will bet your bottom dollar that YOU have stopped yourself during the course of this year, amazed at how strong of a person you are -or experienced some things that caused major periods of self-reflection and person growth. For these things in MY life, I am grateful. And they have truly made 2010 one of the best!

BUT I said that Iwasn't going to get philosophical and sentimental, right?? .......

Instead, I listed my Top 10 Moments/Things that have deemed 2010 as simply incredible. Unforgettable.

#10 ANTOINE DODSON
You can say whatchu want about Antoine, but I love him. E-VER-Y-THING. From his Dark & Lovely relaxed locs, down to the high-top Sketchers that he wore on the BET Awards. I love him. And I cry every time I see him. The tears may be a result of laughter...But I cry. He's protective, charming, has nice hair, and he makes me laugh, effortlessly. Hmph...sounds like every girl's dream to me.

#9 I fell in LOVE with music again
#2010was a great year for music, overall. There are actually a few albums that I don't mind playing from Beginning to End. And contrary to popular belief, HIP Hop is not dead. I was able to bop my head and zone out to a couple current tunes for more reasons than a catchy hook & a tight beat. Meanwhile the music angels, Erykah Badu and Sade, resurrected to grace this ever-so-shallow world with some much needed depth. I was in LOVE.

#8 My Quarter Century
On November 19th, I turned TWENTY FIVE years old. Five years from now (which will only feel like 3 years) I will be 30. A sistah, got some work to do.

#7 "PEACE of Mind"

My soul. My life. My mind have never experienced the peace and joy that I felt this year. There were no worries. And no stress. If a problem, concern, or situation was beyond my control, then out of my control is where it remained. 2010 was the year of "All Hakunamatata Everything." (c)

#6 Dr. Cornel West
My initial plan upon meeting Dr. Cornel West was to slide him the digits, but it didn't quite go down that way. We actually had a great conversation where I was afforded the opportunity to discuss some dilemmas that I had been dealing with over my future ambitions. He became my mentor for like 7.5 minutes (not that I was counting or anything) and he provided some great advice- ultimately telling me, "What's for you [in LIFE], is for YOU!" Then he told me how pretty I looked. I think I died about 5 times during this conversation!!!

#5 Back to SCHOOL
Master's Degree, Here I come!!

#4 Sky Diving
July 4. 2010 was penned as "My Independence Day" in which I certified fear and doubt as attributes that will no longer reside in my life. I'll be damned if I wasn't afraid, but I let it all go. Spread my wings and flew through the gusty winds of South Jersey. My vocal cords hit notes unknown. Adrenaline raced. My heart paced. The 10 minutes that took my breath away provided more LIFE to my spirit than I could have ever imagined. THIS...was HANDS DOWN the best experience of my life and from this flight, I can assure everyone, wholeheartedly, that FEAR is ONLY an ILLUSION. JUST DO IT!

3. WEEN (Women In Entertainment Empowerment Network)
When you follow your passions, money seems to find you in the most mysterious ways. It's true. And this is why and how I became the New and FIRST Health and Beauty Editor of WEENonline.org <------ Check us out! I applied for the position simply because I LOVE to write. Outside of this blog, my occasional Facebook notes and my journal, I have no formal training or experience in writing, but it's, indeed, one of my passions. And I submitted the sample writing tasks only to TEST my potential. Randomly, I do the same on CareerBuilder. I complete applications as a game with myself to see how many call-backs I can get from employers in this recession. It helps me find my strengths and weaknesses while, subtely, informing myself of where I stand in this economy. I've been pretty successful over there as well, but never did I expect to actually get this job with WEEN. It was a TOTAL surprise. And I now get paid for doing something that I absolutely love... as a side hustle. Even better.

2. PETE
I can honestly write a book about PETE. PETE is my baby until I find a man and we create one or two of our own. But for as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to start an organization for misguided young women and finally mustered the energy to JUST DO IT in August 2010. We only live once, so why not?! I am BEYOND ecstatic and overwhelmed by the support that we've received and I love my girls dearly! Check us out at http://weluvpete.com/ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annnnnnd..... *drum roles*

#1 My Mother and I are Mother and Daughter again
I have been disconnected from my mother for the past 8 years of my life. And in 2009, I literally gave up all hope and energy of trying to rekindle the relationship that we once possessed. I did not want much from her or from the rekindle. My quest only yearned for a closer glance at how much my jaw bone structure so closely resembles hers....To smile and watch how her laugh is my laugh.... Just to comb and brush her long dark-brown locs while she rested her head on my lap until she fell asleep as she once loved for me to do. That's it. But I received empty responses, unanswered questions and a permanent void. So I gave up.

To state it best, I prayed the good prayer, relieved my heart of the stress and put our situation into GOD's hands..... And needless to say, THOSE HANDS never let me down. They perform miracles like no other. Daily. Hourly. And Every second.

My mother somehow reached out to me on Facebook in the beginning of 2010 and at this moment in life...a year after my heart wrenching quest, my mother and I are mother and daughter again. We talk almost every week. Crack jokes. Laugh and reminisce. For the first year in 9 years, we were able to wish each other Happy Birthday, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year when the clock struck twelve. Her health isn't 100% but I say "Thank you GOD" anyhow. Thank you, 2010. And because I know you're reading this, Thank You, Ma! #2010was Incredible....Unforgettable...

Cooing over CocoaBabies, but I'm still a G

2010-12-16T21:50:00.001-08:00

There comes a time in every G's life when he or she realizes that the G-Code for the G-Life ain't really what it seems. Then?.....................the G puts on a pair of sunglasses, screams Hail Mary and turns herself into authorities......

Ok, so not really...lol
Maybe, that's just Gangsta Boo. (^^^ female Emcee from Memphis.)
But damnit, I'm a G! And I don't know what has gotten into me.

I turned 25 yo about a month ago and, seemingly, became a human mush-pot when the clock struck twelve. No one warned me of the emotions and vulnerability that accompanies this milestone. No one ever warns me of anything because they know that I can handle it. I'm a G, damnit!

Well........
Used to be a G.

These days, my G apparently stands for Gooey. Generous. Gentle. Graceful.

Soft ish...
Definitely not Gangsta.

But all of that doesn't even matter because regardless of how you look at it,
It's a G.....and I'm still a G, damnit.

Since my birthday, I've...
Volunteered to watch my cousin's baby overnight. *crazy side eye with a twitch*
Gotten sudden urges to whine or cry.
Dreamed that I was pregnant in which my baby stopped moving inside of me.
I went to the Emergency Room only to find my baby's face turning black and blue hanging from my va-jay-jay. None of the ER employees would help me so I became hysterical in the ER waiting area and cried myself back into reality.

Sounds crazy, right?

Well yuuuuup!.....that's how G's roll, and I'm bout that life! *snuffs nose*

And it gets better because God...
God really has the best sense of humor.

On the following day,
Like, the day after the dream?
My supervisor scheduled me to work in the Newborn Nursery of my hospital.

There were nothing but new mommies and their babies EVERYWHERE! (God was really trying to be funny)
And the mushiness continued.

I grinned uncontrollably for the entire shift.
Even asked the new mommies a ridiculous amount of questions.
Like...
"Awww, what's the baby's name?"
"Awww baby 'so and so' got a little natural mohawk!"
"Did you choose to breast feed?!"
"Is this your first pregnancy?!"
"Are you still with the father?!"
******record scratch*******

Really??!!.... ARE YOU STILL WITH THE FATHER?!!"
Clearly, my subconscious took over because
The babies had me in a trance. lol
...I can't believe I asked that, buuuuuut.......

It musta been a G-thang baaaybe (in my Snoop Dog voice).

But everything was cool for a few weeks to follow.
Fine....Dandy.....Splendid!
I reactivated the G-Code and even got my swag back.
My G-stance was crazy HARD!

Only until...
Until I stumbled upon this website. CocoaBabies.com

Awwwwww man.

Why the hell did I do that?
I cooed and gushed all night long over these babies and those cheeks!!
Do you see those cheeks??!!!!!
And those fat arms???!
Are they not the cutest things you've ever seen????
And the Tee- Shirts?!
'College Bound.' 'Pretty Little Brown Girl.' 'The Possibilities are Endless.' 'Destined for Greatness.'
Oh-Em-Gee, I Die!!!!
I want one!!!
A baby!

But wait a minute........................*regroup*
I'm a G............DAMNIT!

** All is fun in Love and Writing**

More Than An Inspiration

2010-12-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

Assata Shakur is more than an inspiration. She's a woman of integrity, strength, and an "I will not pop for you or break for you or hate for u or even hate u too" demeanor. *cue Badu* One who has blazed the enlightenment trails for the enslave minded Blacks, and fought for the political and social justices of our culture. After attending a screening of Dream Hampton's documentary, Black August at Masyls Theatre in Harlem last night, a new found fascination over this woman transpired. And finding the words to describe this film would be tough so I'm just going to say that it was On FYAH. Blazing. Dope. And Brilliant - while Mos Def's humor came as a surprise and Assata's spirit seeped through the screen, effortlessly engaging your IQ into every word she spoke. I seriously need to read The Autobiography of Assata. ASAP! And Black August seriously needs to be aired in theatres both small and big, everywhere. There is a dynamic of our culture displayed here that the world must see.

Black August Hip Hop Trailer by Dream Hampton

Raw Truths

2010-11-30T18:00:00.001-08:00

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing in which you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

For Colored Girls...from a man who sees more in the film than "Black Male Bashing"

2010-11-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

"Do you remember the time we [insert two hugs and kisses smileys] attended the play together at Newark Symphony Hall about girls who commit suicide when the rainbow is enuf. I wasn't too sure about the title of the story, so I had to google search it now. Well don't you know, the title and composition of the story has been recomposed and directed by Tyler Perry? Did you see the new film written by Ntozake Shange. THE PLAY AT NEWARK SYMPHONY HALL WAS VERY COLORFUL TOO, WASN'T IT? I can't remember the story line. My memory bank is really short fused. Starring: Isaiah Mustafa, Thandie Newton, Whoopi Goldberg, Loretta Devine, Kerry Washington, Directed by Tyler Perry, Produced by Roger M. Bobb, Paul Hall, Tyler Perry Written by Nzingha Stewart…."

This blurb of scattered thought was written by my mother who is a diagnosed schizophrenic, and she often uses writing as her vessel of expression. (Go figure, the apple doesn't fall too far.) But about two months ago, publicity about the movie began to flourish, and her uncanny, aberrant mind was trying to recall seeing the For Colored Girls Who Commit Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf stage play some years ago. We saw many plays together at Newark Symphony Hall and I was very young, so I vaguely remember this one; however, I do remember one particular play with lots of COLORS. It may have, very well, been FCG.

That said, this film has struck an emotional chord with a little bit of everyone, including those who have been disconnected from reality for the past 10 years. I don’t know if the reaction is more because Ntozake Shange’s beautiful work has been incorporated and delivered effortlessly by top notch actresses or that Tyler Perry is the producer, but the buzz and commentary has been beyond the norm for the average film.

Before FCG hit the big screen, the blogosphere went rampant with reviews intended to shape reactions and warn viewers to brace themselves as if we were preparing for a 2012 catastrophe. Then, movie critics managed to blast Tyler Perry with displeasure for his delivery, suggesting that he completely butchered Ntozake Shange’s unique, eloquently written monologues and failed to incorporate her writing into film. (I beg to differ) And even if you have yet to see FCG, you have heard reactions from various Black women who, in one form or another, relate to the trials and tribulations portrayed in the film. The movie hit very close to home….almost too close for some. Personally, I revisited experiences of my life more times than both me, my heart and tear pockets would have liked while watching the film. I empathized most with Anika Nonie Rose’s character and it was a tough pill to swallow. Yet, it was the strength and ability to overcome the obstacles of sexual abuse, infidelity, infertility, oversexualization, and domestic violence with the support from "sisters" that left me pleased, deeming it to be an Oscar worthy film. Rather than feeling depressed and offended by the negative indications of Black women, I left the theatre more inspired.

Now more recently, Black men are feeling some kind of way - showing great disdain for Tyler Perry's choice of film production and his "consistent negative portrayal of Black men" in movies. Courtland Milloy, a columnist from the Washington Post, wrote the most scathing remarks on the film because he felt the Black men were being bashed on the big screen and even went so far as to title his review "For black men who have considered homicide after watching another Tyler Perry movie." One of my male friends arched his fingers to tweet..."So I wanna see 'For Colored Girls' but I'm not in the mood to see another Tyler Perry movie bashing black men."

It is ironic because I actually saw the movie with a male friend, and before this testerone enduced outrage transpired, I planned to blog his reaction. Our conversation after leaving the theatre went something along the lines of...

Him: "Damn! All I gotta say is, I'm sorry."

Me: "Sorry, for what?"

Him: looking at me like I just asked the dumbest question on earth
"That was crazy. And if that's what y'all [Black women] experience. I’m sorry. Nigg.s be doing some fucked up shit!"

Pardon his French, but the reaction was getting interesting, so I probed a little deeper....

Me: "Oh, you ain't know?!"

Him: "As a man, coming from the completely opposite side of what this movie is
about, I'm kinda shocked to see what women go through. Or put up with…"

Me: "Yeah. I can relate to some of it but all Black women don't
experience that. And I don't think that you should necessarily feel 'sorry'
either."

Him: "I know, but Damn! That story had to come from somewhere. Whether Shange,
whatever her name is, experienced those things or not, it came from somewhere…
maybe a friend, aunt, cousin or somebody."

I swear I think he was more distraught than I was at this point. My mind was still short of words because the movie had not totally marinated, and I was too busy rummaging through my bag for lotion to help dissolve some of the dried tears from my face. He continues...

Him: "The sexual and physical abuse is one thing. We hear and read about that often, but something like what Kerry Washington's character was going through...wanting a baby and not being able to have one or not being able to share that experience with her husband or someone she loves gotta be crazy. That's like 'my lil man's and them' not being able to swim..." *shaking his head*

Me: "Yeah, and..."

He cuts me off…

Him: "... that just goes to show that you never know what the next person is
going through in their person life."

All of this being expressed by a 100% heterosexual man who was not in the least bit offended, but more oblivious to the issues than anything. I wanted to kiss him for his understanding. And the point being made here? Outraged men have totally missed this POINT and clearly are not secure in knowing that Tyler Perry films do not embody the actions and lives of the entire Black male race -neither is it Tyler Perry's responsibility to uphold Black men on a pedestal of righteous, positive, well- mannered power. This upholstery is the responsibility of a Black man for himself. Does every domestic violence case result in the Black male offender eventually throwing his children from a 5th floor window? No. Do I wish to see more positive, uplifting portrayals of Black women on the big screen? Absolutely. But like my friend and many people of other communities, folk are oblivious to the history of Black women. As much negativity expressed in this film for men was equally negative for women, but hopefully placing these images on the big screen will allow women who experience similar situations to see a mirror of themselves, and seek help or speak up. I applaud Tyler Perry for his fearlessness in touching these issues and standing strong behind his work. This movie was not about the degradation of Black men, it was intentionally titled For Colored Girls….

Him: "I don't understand how we [Black men] can watch ourselves on the big screen as drug dealers, murderers and quote movies like Juice, Belly, Paid in Full line for line, but have a problem with this one...That's kind of wild to me. It's all the same...Negative. If they have a problem with Tyler Perry then they should also have a problem with The Diplomats and other producers."

Ladies and Gents, that was all him...none of me.. Thought that he made some extrememly valid points though. Feel free to discuss.

**just read an incredibly insightful piece by writer, activist, and politician, Kevin Powell in reaction to For Colored Girls. He is also man who did not take offense to the film. Having been an abuser in past relationships and involved in many domestic violence incidents, his stance means A LOT. Kudos to him. That man can write. Tyler Perry's 'ForColoredGirls' by Kevin Powell *

Divorce Insurance?? bbm confused face

2010-09-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

Most women dream of the day that she dresses in her beautiful ivory gown, joined with family, friends, and the love of her life for, none other than, her wedding day. But stop the record. What happens when the marriage papers are signed and finalized, she's on her honeymoon, and hubby whips out a packet from WedLock - a startup insurance company that sells Divorce Insurance for the "just in case" factor, and asks her to sign on the dotted line? Basically, asking her to invest in a possible divorce.

Today, as I cleaned and watched The View, I overheard the panel debating about Divorce Insurance, and I think as they probed deeper into the topic, my jaw dropped closer to the floor. (As always, Sherry Shepard was really pissing me off....Why is she valid again?! ) So of course, I went on to google this topic only to come across an article in the Huffington Post clear of its affirmation, titled 'WedLock': Now Selling Divorce Insurance. (click for full article)

SO granted, the pockets of couples that choose to divorce are being drained for $15K- $30K once they decide to call it quits, and I'm sure that it is a headache and a half of a process. But if there is even the mere thought of getting divorced then why propose? Or better yet, go get a Pre-Nup! What does this implementation say about the institution of marriage? What ever happened to the value of vows? And um, what the hell is wrong with our society? It seems, well... it is CLEAR that most elitists are only out for a buck at the expense of someone's career, success, and now, marriage.

According to American research, 40% of first time marriages go bad, around 67% of second marriages end in failure and just over 72% for third marriages, so I'll admit that Divorce Insurance is a smart move on the behalf businesses and insurance companies. They're riding the wave of the economy, putting people up for a gamble. Yet, it is very unfortunate that LOVE and its legal commitment are at stake. And it is even more disheartening that people will actually buy into this gamble. I have never been married, therefore, I cannot speak for everyone. But this is definitely more discouraging than the "Single Black Woman that Will Never Find A Man" statistics and something that I could never do, regardless of riches or fame. Where's the love?

A commenter on the Huff Post article made an extremely valid point...

"And that, my good buddy, is the problem with marriage. We marry for many reasons and at the end of the reason chart [should be] love and respect. Yet, we marry for money, status, fame, that prince/princess charming image in our head, etc. If two people can't marry, live, communicate and divorce honorably (with love and respect), they have no business marrying."

And wait...here's the killer. As I read further into the article, WedLock had the ultimate bargain plea... "Still not convinced you need divorce insurance? To help you make up your mind, SafeGuard provides a Divorce Cost Calculator and an even more ambiguous Divorce Probability Calculator that factors in such variables as your race, family income and history of depression or mental illness."

Really? A Divorce Probability Calculator, though? ...Sad, but HILAR how they're plotting on peoples' marriages. I cannot.

Raw Truths

2010-09-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

"You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be..." -Eat.Pray.Love.

Amazing Women: Trendy Sweets Edition

2010-09-15T00:22:00.001-07:00

So lately I've been searching all over for women to highlight in my "Amazing Women" posts (a new feature on the blog). I figured that all too often, people don't receive the recognition that they deserve if not seen on TV, or making the city's headline; yet, we all deserve our shine when making big moves within our lives and the community. I cannot begin to say how blessed I am to have such an amazing line-up; however, I am a little upset with myself because somehow I managed to overlook a great source within my family, my cousin. This little lady pictured above is the owner and head baker of Trendy Sweets: Cupcake Confections.........Ok I'm kidding, she's actually the baker's daughter, but uggggghhH! *gushing* Don't you just want to eat her...AND that cupcake? lol

The real owner and baker of Trendy Sweets is Kiahna Malloy, a former government representative who decided to take a leap of faith, and follow her life-long dreams of becoming a baker, and the primary beneficiary of her own establishment. With experience from a world renowned bakery in Maryland, Kiahna left her government position to begin her new journey in the quaint town of Haddon Heights, NJ with Trendy Sweets in December 2009. Yes, mustering the energy to fulfill this life changing decision took much preparation, but on the day prior to Trendy Sweets' grand opening, I sharply remember receiving a phone call from Kiahna as she cried saying "OMG. It's really happening.... And I can't stop crying!!" She definitely had it correct with the first breath because GOD is the ONE to thank for Trendy Sweets. What separates these decadent treats from your ordinary cupcakery is that all of their products are made from scratch using local, seasonally grown, all -natural products. Kiahna prides herself in creating them using fresh fruit, caramel, rich chocolates, and various homemade recipes for batters, fillings and toppings.

Totally tooting her horn because I know, first hand, that these cupcakes are delicious and their presentations are also made to perfection. There is no second guessing as to whether Kiahna puts every bit of passion and expertise into creating these mini desserts. Take a look at a few of my favorites...So Yummy!

And after all of Kiahna's hard work and commitment, Trendy Sweets' is now expanding with a wide variety of desserts as cupcake specials are selling off the shelves like crazy. Woop Woop!

Visit Trendysweets.com for more information about Trendy Sweets, Catering Specials, and their new, delicious upcoming menu.

xoxo

A Night of Glamour and Philanthropy

2010-09-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

To watch a dream unfold into a wonderful evening that has touched the lives of women from all across the states gave me all the inspiration I need to, not only, continue shooting for the top, but to also remain steadfast, and fearless towards achieving my dreams. On Sept. 2, 2010, I had the privilege and honor of attending The Second Annual WEEN Awards 2010 at the Asia Society in NYC.

WEEN (Women in Entertainment Empowerment Network) is a non-profit organization, founded in 2007 by Valeisha Butterfield (The Deputy Director of Internal Affairs for the Obama Administration) and supports the positive portrayal of women in entertainment. The awards gala is a fundraising event for some of the programs that WEEN provides for young women ages 14-28. While stars and taste makers from all walks of the entertainment industry gathered to honor a few women for their worldwide leadership and commitment to the community.

The dinner and awards ceremony was sponsored by Anheuser-Busch Inc., and honored Nia Long (Womens Empowerment Award), HIV/AIDS Activist Hyedia Broadbent, Letoya Lucket (Entrepenuerial Leadership Award), Hot 97's Angie Martinez (Mission Award), CNN's Soledad O'Brien (Community Leadership Award), and the VP of Walmart's Corporate Affairs Esther Silver Parker (Coroporate Leadership Award). Presenters included Mashonda, Aleesha Renee, Gayle King, philanthropist Egypt (EgyptSaidSo), and Estelle.

Check out some of my photos from the event...

Nia Long looking absolutely stunning, as always.

The hosts of the 2nd Annual WEEN Awards, CNN's Don Lemon and WEEN's Founder/ Deputy Director of the Obama Administration, Valeisha Butterfield.

Sabrina Thompson (Co-Founder of WEEN), Egypt, Letoya Luckett and Valeisha Butterfield honoring Letoya for the Entrepreneurial Leadership Award

R&B Singer - Songwriter of SRC Records, Shontelle

...BEHIND THE SCENES Footage

...Neo-Soul artist, Bilal Oliver serenading WEEN's guests with his acoustic vibes during the star-studded Reception Mixer.

Shontelle singing her Billboard hit, "Impossible"

...Gayle King being interviewed on the Pink Carpet

Angie Martinez: "Gayle, how long you been listening to Jay-Z?"

Gayle: "Since Reasonable Doubt, don't play me!!" lol

Hilarious! Kim Coles was so cool. After a short convo and taking a trip down memory lane, she let Synclair Jenkins out to do a "Woo Woo WOOOO!" for our pic lol Visit Kim's website to see the inspirational journey that she has chosen to embark on. And here is my G.I.F.T. to my readers. *kisses*

http://www.openthegifts.com/

My girl Miss Chi-Chi Ude pictured with CNN's Soledad O'Brien.
Watch Soledad's CNN documentary of Black in America Part 3: The Church in the Black Community, Fighting Debt from the Pulpit. It is scheduled to air on October 14th, and will be highlighting the community activism of my church home, First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in Somerset, NJ.

This ceremony was nothing short of amazing and uplifting. I definitely encourage all of my readers to stay positive, stay humbled and most importantly, stay empowered towards achieving whatever it is that your heart desires.

xoxo

*3 Photos Source: AlumniRoundUp.com*

Crushin

2010-09-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

5 1/4 inches of goodness.

*My BDay is November 19*
*These are BeBe's "Jenna Strappy Boots"*
*A closed mouth doesn't get fed, so #imjustsayin'...Thanks In Advance*

Savvy Ways to Save

2010-09-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

Hey Family

I hope that everyone is having a wonderful day, much better than the start of mine. Today I was sitting in my room, making out checks to Sallie Mae and all of her scandalous cousins (Verizon, Progressive, MasterCard, etc), and realized that I really need to start saving more. With the holiday season approaching, a recession that is setting up shop with no intentions to move, and an economy that is just as bi-polar as the weather...Now, more than ever before, is the time for us to take more precautionary measures with our finances. Savings are extremely important. And if you have a shopping addiction like me, then you are well aware that some thingS must change, IMMEDIATELY. So I gathered a few strategies that I thought would help my D.O.F. fam develop better saving habits. And I'm actually going to try some of them myself. Check it out:

Christmas Club Savings Account

Now is a perfect time to open a Christmas Club savings account. If you don't know what this is, it's a special account that customers set up at their local bank or credit union in January or October, and the account is left open through the end of the following October. You are only allowed to deposit money into this account, at which time you can withdraw the money on 1 November. There are $5, $10, and $20 accounts where you must deposit a minimum of that amount weekly. If you manage to deposit just $10.00 into your account each week from the first week of January to the end of October, you will have saved $420.00. Double your weekly deposit to $20.00, and you will have nearly $1,000 reserved. As an added bonus, many financial institutions offer interest compounded quarterly because you are agreeing to leave the money invested for a short, but definite, period of time. This lasts only for a year and the fun part is that your savings can be used for whatever you desire....a vacation, bills, Shopping Spree, etc...not solely for Christmas items. I'm definitely going to start one this October in addition to a few others.

The Psychic Value Matrix

So you're at the store in the middle of an anxiety attack because of an unnecessary purchase or splurge that you're about to indulge in. Consider the NEED and LOVE value of this item. Martha Beck, a financial guru, recommends that you "pay top dollar for things in Category #1 (I really NEED, and I really LOVE it), bottom dollar for things in category 2 (I really NEED it, but I don't LOVE it) and all your remaining money for things in category 3 (I don't really NEED it, but I LOVE it.) Don't spend a red cent for anything in category 4."

Excerpt from "O" Magazine, as in Oprah magazine....So you know this ish works lol

A Penny Bank

Take it way back and start saving with a penny bank again. Here's a photo of mine and it is actually an old pickle jar that I'm in the process of refilling. On the first go-round, I managed to save a whopping 52.00 BUCKS. Whoop Whoop! lol And if my little brother keeps his sticky fingers out of it, we'll be making more progress in no time. Here's How. At the end of each day:
- Empty your pockets/ bags of all the cash accumulated (Dollar Bills included)
- Drop the change in the jar
- Close the lid
- And don't look back. lol
- Once the jar is filled, take it to your bank or a local Coinstar,
- Cash it in.

If you remain consistent with these steps, you will notice that the money accumulates very quickly. And it almost feels like you've hit big in Atlantic City when the teller totals your savings at the end.

Pay Yourself

There is nothing better than paying off a bill, down to a ZERO balance. I swear that has to be the closest feeling to having like 5 orgasms in a row....such a HUGE relief. But for the purpose of savings, it is suggested that you continue to PAY YOURSELF the monthly payment as if the bill still existed. You will be surprised at how much money you have been dishing out to these companies once you begin to reap the benefits of your payments. And I'll admit that this strategy might be the most difficult of all them all, but you are guaranteed to save BIG time here.

Savings Competition: Make It a Race

I don't know about anyone else, but a competition always gives me the extra incentive to do something. I'm a competitor. Winning is for winners. And I love to win. Open a joint account at your local bank and challenge your friend/ spouse to a savings competition to see who can save the MOST money within an allotted amount of time. Having a joint account allows you to see your competitor's progress and keep tabs on any cheating. I'm assuming that six months is enough time for this because you do not want to become consumed with the competition. This is about SAVING. And again, only partake in this activity if you have a competitive spirit; otherwise, it is pretty pointless.
*came up with that one myself*

Or, of course, you can lock yourself in the house and hibernate for this season or a lifetime to avoid spending at all costs. But who really wants to do that??! So, I hope someone finds these savings tips to be helpful. Feel free to add other ways to save that may be working in your favor as well.

Peace family and good luck saving. oxox

Gone Flesh, Lucid Spirit

2010-08-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

GONE FLESH, LUCID SPIRIT

Should my body feel this empty?

Something like a bottomless pit,

craving eternal digestion,

Hungry for that which is mine?

Living passion.

A reason to exist in the physical

With solidarity that may only be valid in the mental?

Of course, it should.

My living isn't in vain.

Except,

The body is a mere representation of WHAT I am.

A disguise shielding the honesty behind WHO I am.

Meshed scientific concepts formed into palpable understanding,

Giving clarity to WHERE I am.

This is the FLESH, that will one day perish.

Then what about the soul.

Will my actions and deeds transpire?

Touching lives,

Bringing those that were once low higher

To inspire.

Sure, it will.

Within the body is my spirit.

It is WHAT I am.

Total honesty about WHO I am.

Raw truths with boundless walls

Giving clarity to WHERE I am

This is my SPIRIT, that will forever remain lucid.

What have YOU done to prolong your spirit?

* piece inspired by MJ, written in 15mins on the day of his passing...Happy B Day MJ*

His ORGAN For Her LOVE

2010-08-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

...and I'm not referring to an organ, the instrument. I'm talking about the organ, his kidney.

Last night, was the first time I've had a husband and wife on the same unit...two doors away from one another...in the hospital...as my patients. While getting shift report, I noticed the red-flag name alert that warns us when there are two people in residency with the same or similar last name. And after a little further investigation, I discovered that these two people were, indeed, a pair.

It was a married couple in their mid to late 40s in the hospital together because the wife has Kidney Failure and is waiting to receive her hubby's DONATED kidney. This rephrased would mean that the wife's kidney is no longer functioning. Not her TV or her laptop, and not even her toilet. It's her kidney. And her husband decides to risk undergoing surgery to have one of his kidneys removed, and live with just ONE for the rest of his life... all for his wife. If you aren't already aware, the kidneys are two of the most vital organs of the body, and living with its failure or this condition is very serious. Meanwhile there are men (and women alike) in relationships that are bickering over the most trivial issues....and this guy is over here donating his kidney?!! Umm... It not only amazed me that he performed such a loving, fairytale gesture, but the fact that their blood matched which made him a possible donor is another story in itself. What are the chances that you and your mate are so compatible down to the same Blood Type? Now THAT... is what you call REAL chemistry. All we needed was a violinist and some harmonicas playing in the hospital hallway, and we could have had a real live scene for the sequel to The Notebook.
(the movie).

My question, though, is in this generation "How many men would actually do such a thing for his wife (and vice versa)?"......................****chirping crickets**** ...................Even as a firm believer in REAL love, I'll admit that this is a tough question to answer. And more than likely, we'd ALL think twice about this one. Nevertheless, I think that this story can offer some truth and advice as to how folks should approach marriage these days; asking themselves, "What am I willing to give/ sacrifice for this person? And how much value does it hold?" If all you're willing to give your mate is half on the rent/mortgage/bills, material possessions, and good sex...you might need to dig a little deeper. If the value and "weight" of your giving is as light as paper clips, you might need to put in some work and build your revenue. And granted, it is quite possible that I'm thinking too deeply into this (that's just my nature), but this approach would certainly save some people the headache of lawyers' fees, in addition to the rapid increase in divorce rates now-a-days.... #imjustsayin'

Think about it.

IAmHappy. ThatIsAll =)

2010-08-20T23:14:00.000-07:00

For no particular reason, whatsoever, I. Am. Genuinely. Happy. My financial situation has not changed (hint:hint RWJ), I'm in the middle of taking on three major projects, and making career decisions that may actually put me in a deficit. You might then question, "What's the big deal?" And the truth is that I haven't felt this way in such a looong time. My spirits are at an all-time high, and for the first period in my adult life, my soul actually feels at total peace. I've chosen the route of faith and hard work...now, the Ying-Yang tattoo that resides above my heart has double meaning. And in all honesty...yesterday, I really wanted to leave work in the middle of my shift to go do some cartwheels in the park. lol I guess this is what happens when you follow your heart....when purpose and crystallized focus begins to manifest. Whatever the source...I am truly grateful. And we can raise a glass to that! =0)

Grinding Ain't So Bad Afterall

2010-08-06T00:09:00.000-07:00

There's the grind. Something that I'm all too familiar with.

Grind [grahynd] (v.)
- working hard and choosing to hustle with an extraordinary work ethic; working and accomplishing things in life with brute force.

And then there's...

Grind [grahynd] (n.)
- a dance movement in which the hips are rotated in a suggestive or erotic manner; rubbing harshly or gratingly together.

In the rare event that I'm partying or at a club, there is absolutely nothing that I loathe more than "the grind." It's just something about my butt + his penis + my sensual style of dancingthat doesn't sit right with me. Cause I'm a laaaaaady! And the moral of the story is that if he puts his penis there, I'm going to play with it (by dancing and winding of course). So let's just refrain from grinding all together. *ahem** I would, however, like to take a moment to thank Canada; particularly, Caribana 2010 for initiating me into West Indian culture and helping me embrace "The Grind." They call it "Jumping Up" but it closely resembles the grind to me. Dressing in masquerade and being a part of the parade made it almost impossible to escape such because everything and everybody was either grinding, just finished grinding, or about to grind. Grind. Grind. Grind. Palance, Pon di River, then Grind again. I can respect their style and culture though. It is who they are, and what they do. And it was actually lots of fun. SO with that said...LET EVERYTHING THAT HAVE BREATH...... GRIND!

Amazing Women: Dream Hampton Edition

2010-08-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

Up until a few months ago, I thought that I knew everything there is to digest about the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill LP. After playing this record a ridiculous amount of times, singing every lyric to the top of my lungs {in the car} and even altering my voice to imitate those precious children on the interludes, no one could not tell me that I had nothing to do with its production. Ms. Hill made you feel, yet I felt, metamorphosed and then some. This delusion lived a long life until I read Dream Hampton's 9 page review that deconstructs this album down to Lauryn Hill's last little piece of heart. I knew the album was deep, but I ain't know it was all that!lol [COuldn't find this review on the web anywhere. If anyone knows where to get it please, post the link or comment. ] But just when you think you have "it" packed to a science and to your deepest understanding....BAM! There is always someone doing it better. That's just how life works. This. Woman. Is. Amazing. And I must have been living under a rock to have not known about her prior.

Who is Dream Hampton? A hip-hop journalist and the first woman editor of The Source magazine. She has written the most invigorating essays on the topics of Black activism, misogyny, and police brutality. In a recent reintroduction rant on Twitter, she broke it down...

"I'm from Detroit. I have an awesome daughter who spends her summers in science camp. I fly single engine planes. I'm a Virgo. I wrote for Vibe for 15 yrs. Worked @ The Source for 18 months when I was 19. Wrote stuff. Collaborated w/Jay-Z on his autobio The Black Book. He read it, wanted to faint, shelved it. See his latest Rolling Stone cover. I've directed an award winning narrative short film about schizophrenia, I AM ALI. Bourne Identity's Doug Limon bought it after Sundance.... Collaborated with Jay-Z on Decoded, in stores this November. Not an autobio, but a book about his process, his lyrics, stories behind them. One day, when he sits still, I will help Puff with his autobio, a job he hired me for in 2000. I co-produced two documentaries on my dear friend & former neighbor Biggie Smalls. One of them one an Emmy (Behind the Music)."

Outside of all of this amazingness, what intrigues me most is Dream's conscience efforts to empower the Black community, and her role as a founding member on the Malcolm X Grassroots Movement Brooklyn Chapter. And, in all of her attempts at being modest and low-key, she deserves much more. Dream Hampton is definitely one that I idolize as a writer. Not many possess the way with words to allure the mind like she, as I look forward to reading more of her works to come. Check her website: http://www.dreamhampton.com/

PhotoSource and Bio excerpt: via Twitter @dreamhamptom313

A Few of My Favorite Things

2010-07-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

inspired by John Coltrane
Listen.

the beautiful creative energy that is Jazz. How sweet...it is.

Funny though. Watching this video takes me back to when I played the clarinet in elementary school. I was the truth....Something like the Louis Armstrong of my day except I was a female and I played the clarinet lol. Although, there was one problem. After blowing into the clarinet multiple times for long periods of time, the inside gets horrendous if not cleaned properly. The sound, each note, and the melody becomes awful. So eventually my sound became awful because there is an accessory called a clarinet chamois swab that you use to clean the inside and my mom refused to buy me one. She had already purchased the clarinet kit and the swab wasn't included. So, tough luck! I just wasn't going to get one. I don't know. Maybe, we couldn't afford it. But now that I look back, it is clear that I wasn't phased because one day I went home, took a hair Bead that little girls wear in their hair + thin gift wrap ribbon + the smallest house washrag I could find, connected them all together and made my own chamois swab. It worked like magic.lol I brought it to the next clarinet practice and my teacher was impressed, but my fellow clarinetists laughed at me. 5th graders are so cruel and little did they know, that that swab was the beginning of my creative genius. Now................I laugh. *twiddles fingers and evil grins* It's nice to reminisce every once in while for reasons like this. Karma is real. If it does not come back to the offender ten times worse, then it revolves back to the receiver ten times better. 100% TRUTH!

*singing* These Are A Few of My Favorite Things:

MY GOD
HE's up there somewhere *waving* Heeeeyy Booo!

Pen and Pad
Give me these and you will not hear a peep from me for a few hours

Maryland Styled Crab Cakes
One day, I will put on a burglar's mask and rob The Cheesecake Factory chefs of their Crab Cake recipe. If they ask who did it, don't tell them it was me.

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Currently on Original CD #3 because I've played them into the GROUND. She's back, ya know? I almost cried.

P.E.T.E. {P-Positive E-Experiences T-Through E-Eternity}
My informal non-profit org committed to building and empowering the lives of young girls. WeLuvPETE and hope that you will too (WeLuvPETE.com coming soon!!!!!)

To What Do I Owe This 'Sponsor'ship?

2010-07-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

"Anything I ask for from my sponsor, he go and bu-bu-buy, buuuuuuuuuuy....He ain't no square, he just like to share. In love with the tipper throwing hundreds in the air..."

Ok ladies, to my suprise, it's true. This type of man does exist. And he's not necessarily the flashy, let's make it rain in the club from our V.I.P. section while sippin Cocoloso kind of man. He may not even be the best looker, but he most certainly has the charm to make a rough-neck weak, have you smitten in day, and a bank account that will have you drowning in zeros all at the same time. He's your lawyer, your doctor, your stock broker, or maybe even your corporate exec with money to blow...willingly. The sponsor that Teiarra Mari describes in the song "Sponsor" does not amount to a REAL sponsor. Mani + Pedicure = A Donation not sponsorship. Sponsors offer breast implants, diamonds, vacation get-aways, mortgage payments, and no matter the cost, anything she asks for, she gets. SIt's a lifestyle of sugar-daddy hood. And according to Essence magazine (June 2010), "some sponsors maintain they are content with just companionship and a positive personality in exchange for their gifts and checks with lots of zeroes."

Never in a million years did I expect to meet, let alone date a sponsor. One of my closest friends even asked, "Well, what the hell possessed you to date him anyway?" To me, he was a date. Nothing less, yet a little more involved than the other two guys I had been dating at the time only because our personalities meshed well. And it wasn't until he and I were hanging out with a few of his friends, cocktails flowing [some friends more inebriated than others] with jokes to last into next year, having a good time...that one of his friends turned on the radio, the song "Sponsor" comes on, and he [my date] blurts out while pointing to his DJ friend, "Aayyyyyeeee!! Right On TIME!!!".....................................um *blank stare* "Yes, he's had a few drinks, so he IS telling the truth, but he can NOT be serious!", I thought to myself while still thinking and just realizing that " Yoooooo I'm dating a SPONSOR!" lmbo! lmbo! Needless to say, every interaction with him after that gesture made me giggle inside. This was hilarious to me. I knew that he was wealthy, but I could not take him seriously knowing that he was a sponsor, a PROUD sponsor...So i next'd him. And I have to admit that for a while I questioned whether or not I should have given him and our relations more time. I mean, we went on 4 dates and he had Towncar limos awaiting me at my doorstep for 2 out of the 4 dates #wheretheydothatat?

Anyways, I knew nothing about the sponsor lifestyle, but I was well informed by the sponsorly inclined Teiarra Marie to know that I couldn't date him any longer. Here's why:

1. To What Do I Owe This Sponsorship?
More times than not, the sponsor wants something in return. And more times than not, that something does not include a relationship, emotional understanding, or true companionship. Essence magazine says, "most men expect more for their generosity....and once you accept sponsorship a man automatically puts you in a category of a woman who is for sale." And this sponsor is suppose to shower me with gifts, but I can't know his where abouts, look to the future with him, and I might not see him for months at a time? That sounds like hush money to me. No thanks, sir. You won't be getting my goodies.

2. M-O-N-E-Y Will Never Buy L-O-V-E
I want more. The gifts are nice but they will never suffice for the beautiful sensation of being richly in LOVE; nor will they disguise the drama and emotional void that sponsorship harbors. I need more. I need to connect on a level deeper than physicality and material possessions. I want real L-O-V-E.

3. I can't be bought. Not even Bill Gates would be able to afford me.

*We're still great friends. Great guy, but I will have to decline this one*
*I never understood why BET banned this video. How is this any different from Fabolous', "Throw It In The Bag?" but {shrugs} that is another story for another day...*cue Teairra**

Who Knew??

2010-07-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

At this hour of the photoshoot, time was getting short...
The entire shoot was really for the girls of my organization [P.E.T.E. <3], but the sun began to set. A cool, windy breeze crept upon the rooftop. And it was chilly; thus, my girls fled the scene.

All that remained was a touch of style (the stylist), the best eye (the photographer) and an artist...
A "C" and two "D"s.

I never really thought about modeling before, so I was innately a little nervous and unsure...
but that was nothing a glass of Moscato couldn't fix.

As it took quite some time for me to warm-up, the talented visionary D. Alford simply said, "It's just me and you. I just need you to connect RIGHT HERE (pointing to the camera lens). The WORLD is in here... Act like you're talking to the world!!"...

And this was the final product...

WHO KNEW?!!

WE MIGHT BE ON TO SOMETHING *wink*
Photographer: Dawan "Wryet" Alford (Regalmonarch.com)
Stylist: Ciara Walker TheClothesmindedInc.com
Make-Up Artist: Denita Denny (Mary Kay)

Summer Sexy

2010-06-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

This song has been drilled in my head every since this heat wave started. I love how it gives a cool vibe to these crazy humid temps, and how the lyrics compliment not only a woman's physique, but her goals and positive lifestyle too.

Have a great weekend, and embrace your summer sexy, Ladies! ;)

Twista featuring R. Kelly - "So Sexy"

In Full Bloom

2010-06-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

FASHION: FLORAL TRENDS

June is here!! We're just one day away from the 1st day of Summer 2010 and "Everything is in full bloom"...including fashion and my Wardrobe.

If you haven't noticed, floral print fashions are EVERYWHERE. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd willingly wear them. Not because I dislike the design, but because my fashion sense is rather...boring. lol I'll admit. Stylists, holla @ me! Typically, I'm the earth tone colored, simple chic kind of gal, but after perusing the malls and even [my fav] thrift shops i could not resist some of the bold, vintage styled floral pieces that popped out at me. They screamed "Fun and Cutesy" so I gave it a shot...and Here's the verdict:

"The Worst":

#FAIL: This Forever 21 number looked so adorable on the hanger and even when I tried it on in the fitting room but once I got all dolled up, it felt Blah! Has that ever happened to you? Needless to say, this will be my first and last time wearing this one. :-(

Eh....Better:
This picture does not serve this Jessica Simpson bag any justice. It's super cuter [if that's a word] in person. And I love that I can wear this throughout the season with anything, of any solid color.

Absolute LOVE:

By far my fav floral purchase is this choker from Etsy.com. I haven't worn it YET, but I'm looking forward to rocking it to this year's Black Girls Rock Awards maybe with a simple teal colored strapless dress...whenever I find one.

And no ladies, fashion isn't the only thing in full bloom! Much of my absence these past few months is due to a couple of projects that I'm working on with some AMAZING people. After a lot of brainstorming, hard work, and patience, I can honestly say that "I" am in full bloom both personally and professionally....totally finding myself and enjoying every bit of the journey. So keep your eyes glued because Madame Jay definitely has a few things up her sleeve for her readers. oxox

Signing Out,
Madame Jay

*just felt like sharing a little bit of myself this time around ;) *

Women of Worth

2010-06-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

Empowering contests and sweepstakes like L'Oreal's "Women of Worth" always brings a smile to my face. Granted, the chances of being recognized may be slim, however it's beautiful to highlight women that are making a difference in our communities by showing them how much they are appreciated.

Nominate a woman who's doing something worthwhile and worth celebrating.
For the 5th year, L'Oreal celebrates its iconic philosophy, "Because You're Worth It" and you're invited to nominate a woman who you feel is making a beautiful difference.

Ten honorees will receive $5,000 for their cause- with one of them receiving an additional $25,000. Plus, L'Oreal Paris will donate $5,000 in each of their names to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.

For more info and details, visit WomenOfWorth.com from June 15, 2010 - July 9, 2010. It's your chance to raise your voice- and celebrate women who raise the bar. Because We're All Worth It.

Never Stop Dreaming

2010-04-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

"Cut not the wings of your dreams, for they are the heartbeat and the freedom of your soul" ~Flavia

Dreaming provides new hopes...expands the imagination to a place where you, yourself would never think to be in reality. As a compass for life, dreaming directs and connects you towards the ultimate sense of freedom. I think the chain of reaction goes somewhere along the lines of: Dreams>Focus>Thought>Action>Manifestation...so where do you begin without dreaming? What is action without vision? Unless you have accomplished goals on the level of Diddy and Oprah, continue to dream...BIG dreams!! The path towards reaching them is none of your business. Once you have that vision in mind... things, ideas, and events will naturally come to you with inspiration. Its like a magnetic energy that happens...a gravitation of vibes.

I am obsessed with dreaming!! Even when i'm awake, theres this burning passion inside that throws me off... My mind wonders into a totally different realm when every other inch of my tiny body is desperately trying to focus on whatever is directly in front of me. Some may call it day dreaming, but I like to call it envisioning...because whatever is going on in those dreams can very well be my reality. It is possible and if it's worth dreaming, then it is worth living. Dream, Dream, Dream and Imagine and Grind then Dream again...

"Let your hope soar and aim your sight high. Believe in your dreams, dont let them die. Even if you fall, get up and give another try. Everyday tell your truth and show that your doubters lie. For as long as you have life, your dreams can and will fly."

*Just Random thoughts as I allowed my fingers to flow...hope that it can be an inspiration to you <3...*

Women on the Move

2010-04-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

D.O.F was on the Scene: @ The Times Square Arts Center as an empowering panel of entertainment professionals shared their success stories and offered sound advice to up and coming "Women on the Move."

Women are making it happen in 2010!!

(Panelists include L to R: Emerald Angel Young (Actress, featured in Law Abiding Citizen), Karina Pasian (Island Def Jam Recording R&B Artist), K.Foxx (Hot 97's On-Air Personality and The Morning Show Co-Host), Mariel Concepcion (Editor, Billboard.com), and Cherry Martinez (Power 105.1 On-Air Personality)

Let's talk Business! Cherry Martinez defines SUCCESS and talks radio...

Candid discussion! K. Foxx shares her journey and keeps it real on how to "break into the entertainment industry."

We had questions...They had answers!

"Women on the Move" Organizer, Amber Ravenel, on the far right

Playing with the camera lol but definitely check out the jewelry designs of
LaureLuxe.com. This woman works hard and her pieces are FAB!

K. Foxx with my supporter for the day, Sha Monae xo

This is Ja-Nay, and I AM a Woman on the Move!! ;o)

Signing Out

Ladies' First Hip Hop Symposium

2010-03-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

D.O.F was on THE SCENE - (3/27/10) as Princeton University's Hip-Hop: Art & Life Non-Profit Student Organization partnered with WEEN (The Women in Entertainment Empowerment Network) to produce a symposium that explored the various and evolving roles women play in the Hip Hop industry. I was one of the fortunate few amongst an intimate crowd of young men and women from all walks of the Hip Hop industry, and was so glad to be in attendance. The program featured Amanda Diva, as the Key Note Speaker, and Dr. Cornel West as the intro moderator. In typical Madame Jay fashion, I somehow managed to leave my camera in the car and didn't realize this until the show began [I swear I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached to my shoulders...SMH], but the wonderful Princeton Staff allowed me to use their equipment and actually put me on camera duties for the entire event to avoid missing any of the program while retrieving it. So sweet, Thanks Dania! And That said, here's a quick recap of The Ladies First Hip Hop Symposium from the eyes of Madame Jay:

(The Lovely Princeton University Hip Hop: Art & Life Student Organization Board pictured w/ Dr. Cornel West.)

Flick! Flick! Flick!

(Yours Truly and Dr. Cornel West. Yeesss! We Winnin' Ladies and Gents! My interview with him will be posted soon.)

(Yours Truly and Miss Heather Wilson of Miss Black New Jersey Pageant Staff)

(Miss Heather Wilson and Dr. Cornel West choppin' it up!)

( Amanda Diva, the lyricist, poet, artist, and scholar cheesing with a friend's cute 2month old pup!)

(Let's talk business: Vice President of Universal Motown Records, Artist Development, Shanti Das and Dr. Cornel West in deep discussion.)

(Key Note Speaker, Amanda Diva speaks about her success, and the marginalization of women in the industry. "Hip Hop became a cock-fest and if you didn't have one, you couldn't party. The only way in, was to show some skin or to talk about the basics!" #realtalk)

(L to R: Hip-Hop Feminist: Latoya Peterson, Photographer for VIBE, The Source, Essence, and Rolling Stones: Delphine Fawundu, and Joy Daily: Host, Editor and Video Producer discuss the portrayal of women in Hip-Hop videos.)

(L to R: Delphine Fawundu, Member of Feminist Rap Group 3XL, Essence Magazine Relationship Editor and Author: Demetria Lucas (whose work i absolutely admire...check out her website at ABelleInBrooklyn.com ), Co-Founder of WEEN and Deputy Director for the OBAMA administration: Valeisha Butterfield, and TV Personality/ Relationship Expert & Author/ Lawyer: Lauren Lake, discuss where women stand in Hip Hop, the ins and outs of the Entertainment industry, and explores Hip Hop's role in relationships. Great Panel!)

Congratulations to Jerome Jackson and Chi-Chi Ude on an amazing event and for highlighting the contributions women have made to the culture's growth and mainstream acceptance!

Signing Out,
Madame Jay

Celebrating Women's History

2010-03-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

For all of March, I have been thinking about Women's History Month and what it means to me. I've never actually asked myself this question before, so I was unsettled on how I could possibly pay tribute to its importance in our society or serve it the proper justice that it deserves. But as time progressed, and I attended various [amazing] events in celebration of this month, I began to notice a pattern [or the lack thereof] of a focus on the core of the celebration which is "History." I Love Beauty, I Love Fashion, I Love Art and these accessories are definitely enough reason for women to be recognized and highlighted for an entire month, but I also wanted to take it back a bit to a time when the struggle to become a beauty or fashion icon, or merely a free individual presided the thoughts of most women, specifically Black Women. A time when the joy of childbearing was more of a chore than a privilege and a blessing.

This article "Why Women's Liberation Means So Much To Black Women" was published in The New York Pathfinder Press in 1970 written by Maxine Williams. She reminds us of the days during slavery when Black women weren't fortunate enough to choose their mates, jobs, and lifestyle and how women were viewed as the oppressor rather than the oppressed in the Black community despite her sacrifices for husband and child. When you actually get some time, please read this exert...

"In the early part of the sixties, social scientists became more and more interested in the family structure of blacks. Unemployment and so called crime among Black was increasing and some of these "scientists" decided that the problems of the Black community were caused by the family pattern among Black people.

Since Blacks were deviating from the "norm" of more female heads of household, high unemployment, more school "dropouts," these pseudoscientists claimed that the way to solve these problems was to build up a more stable Black family in accord with the American patriarchal pattern.

In 1965, the U.S. government published a booklet entitled "The Negro Family The Case for National Acction." The author (US Dept of Labor) stated, "In essence, the negro community has been forced into matriarchal structure which, because it is so out of line with the rest of American Society, seriously retards the progress of the group as a whole."

According to this theory, the institution of slavery led to a breakdown in the Black family and the development of a so called matriarchy, in which the Black woman was "dominant." This "matriarchal" structure was held responsible, in turn, for contributing to the "emasculation" of the Black man. In other words, as these people would have it, the oppression of black people was partly caused by black women....

Under slavery, once arriving on American soil, the African social order of Black people was broken down. Tribes were separated and shipped to different plantation. Slaves underwent a process of de-socialization and had to adopt a new culture and language.

Up until 1840, black men greatly outnumbered Black women. Sociologist E.F. Frazier indicates in his book The Negro Family In the U.S, that this probably led to "numerous cases of sex relations between Negro slaves and indentured white women." The "marriage: rate between Black men and white women became so high that interracial marriages were banned.

Prior to this time, Black men were encouraged to marry white women in order to enrich the slave master's plantation with more human labor. The Black man in some instances was able to select a mate of his choice. However in contrast, the Black woman had little choice in the selection of her mate. Living in a patriarchal society, she became a mere breeding instrument.

...There were economic interests involved in the Black woman having as many offspring as she could bear. After her child was born, she was allowed to nurse and fondle the infant only at the slavemaster's discretion. There are cases of Black women who greatly resisted being separated from their children and having them places on the auction block even though they were subject to flogging. And in some cases, the Black woman took the life of her own children rather than subject them to the oppression of slavery....Continue Reading HERE

Deep, right?...Almost too deep. It is a reality, nonetheless, that makes me extremely grateful to have been born and alive during the days when I have the ability to make choices and take full advantage of many opportunities without discretion. And this is enough reason to celebrate Women's History Month, for me. What about you? What did this month mean to you?

Signing Out,

Madame Jay ;o)

PS. Just want to give a big yaayy for the month of March!!!lol This month has been so good to me and i can almost wallow in tears of joy right now! Thanks to all of you who have inspired me through talks, emails, BBM, etc. Your encouragement and support means so much and I genuinely appreciate all what you have inspired me to do. Beso! Beso! Beso!

Miss Black New Jersey 2011 Competition: Apply TODAY!!

2010-03-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

2010 MISS Black New Jersey -Lori Bryant

She aspires to continue giving back to the community teaching free dance lessons to inner city youth, encouraging young people to vote and stay active in politics as well as being an advocate of domestic violence. She has made many acting appearances on Tyler Perry's sitcom, House of Payne.

The Miss Black New Jersey USA Pageant is an affiliate of the Miss Black USA Pageant and Scholarship Foundation, Inc. A non-profit corporation, recognized in the 501(c)3 Code of Internal Revenue Service. Miss Black USA Pageant celebrates scholastic achievement and believes that education is the key to lifelong success and empowerment. It is the mission of Miss Black USA Pageant to provide educational opportunities to outstanding young women of color and to develop the "whole woman mind, body, and spirit". The event is brought to you by Ameoj Consulting.

Our organization is excited to announce that we are now accepting applicants for the 2011 Miss Black New jersey Pageant! Aside from the numerous opportunities awarded to our participants, Miss Black New Jersey 2011 will win $2,500, numerous prizes and a chance to win $20,000 at the National Competition.

Pageant DETAILS!!!!

2011 Pageant includes: MISS Pageant (ages 18-27), TEEN pageant (ages 13-17), and PRINCESS Program (ages 5-10).
Applications for the 2011 Pageant will be accepted through Friday, April 30, 2010.
Application fee is $25.00
Interviews will begin on Sunday, May 2, 2010 and run throughout the Month
CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE APPLICATION NOW!!

Note: All applicants will be interviewed if they qualify! Attached please find our MBNJ 2011 Flyer. To get more detailed information please visit them online at http://www.missblacknewjersey.org/ or find them on Facebook by searching "Miss Black New Jersey USA". Tell an intelligent, sophisticated, beautiful woman to apply TODAY!

Dont forget to tell them that Madame Jay and Miss Heather Wilson sent you! ;)

A Life Worth Living

2010-03-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

Hey lovelies!!

Ok so, if you know me, then you're well aware of my absolute adoration of Church. We, as in Church and I, have the type of relationship that might possibly make you gag when you see us together. It's definitely the peanut butter to my jelly....We are so in love. Ok, that was corny but ummm yeah sooo with that said, lol this past weekend my church celebrated its 16th annual Women's Retreat, and [feel free to suppress my bias for a second] everything about this event was phenomenal! Smiles and laughter filled the room. Latrice Crawford and Y'Anna Crawley from BET's Gospel Showdown, "Sunday's Best" serenaded us with their goose bump sending voices, and there were goody bags and contest giveaways galore! I didn't win anything from the contests, but I did manage to walk away with a cute Red T-shirt that reads, "God Loves Me," so I was satisfied. There was one thing that weighed heavily on my heart, placing me in deep thought on the ride home, having me scratch my head looking like 'Auntie' Jay instead of Madame Jay... which was the panel segment. A few women ignited discussions on how to achieve favorable mental, financial and emotional health and this discussion not only made me made realize how much work I have cut out for myself by simply being a woman, but also presented how our thoughts and actions directly effect our growth processes with finances, mentality, and emotions. So the objective of this post is not to preach, but to highlight some of my favorite suggestions that were discussed towards a Life Worth Living.....

(Latrice Crawford from BET's Gospel Competition, "Sunday's Best")

Speak Brilliance -Sometimes you have to speak your deepest hopes and desires into existence. If you claim it, whatever it is...it shall be. Trust those spiritual forces and watch everything that you ask for fall right into place. I don't know how it happens, but I am a living witness that it does, in fact, happen. Say to yourself , "there were 15 people being interviewed when I signed up for the position, but I WILL be the one to get the job" or claim "I saw the cutest pair of Christian Louboutins in that commercial yesterday, I'm all over it. They ARE MINE!!!!"... ;o)

Know/Control Your Feelings and Emotions- Women are so much more emotionally driven than they realize. Our actions reflect our deepest desires and thoughts, and sometimes it's difficult to control these feelings. Such vulnerability is simply driven my negative emotions and the scary truth is that these emotions will fluctuate. My favorite line is "Hormones are live and well in America!!" which so true. Let's picture a scenario about these Hormones/Emotions: ah emm...So one minute, you're driving down the street, windows down, enjoying the nice spring breeze flowing through your hair, jammin' to Rihanna's "Rude Boy," totally feeling it. But in the next minute, you come to a red light that turns green and someone simply blows the horn to get your attention to drive AND you flip out!! Here comes the road rage, and every curse word that you never thought you knew begins to fly from your mouth, MEANWHILE THE PERSON IN THE OTHER CAR CANT EVEN HEAR YOU!!!!....Just that quickly, you lost control. It was only a HORN for Pete's Sake! Therefore, the key is to know and learn when and how to emit positive emotions and feelings. In your most frustrating hour, smile....it sounds crazy, but this simple gesture can balance such negativity and cause a positive transition in hormones. These actions can discipline the mind to avoid a "degrading mental diet."

Manage Your Expectations- Have you all ever heard of the saying, "Don't count all your chickens before they hatch?!" If not, this is the old school version of "let's not get carried away." Yes ladies, we want EVERYTHING, not now, but right now! And Biggie said it best, "the sky IS the limit"...but patience is the token to management in the interim of reaching the sky. As you continue to work and/or wait for the things you are praying to happen. Count your blessings and dance in advance for what is GOING to happen...Remember speak brilliance!

Nurture Consistently - Whatever you set your mind to, fulfill it to the 100th power times 100. And even when the going gets tough, do as much as you can, when you can. There's no need to over exert yourself, but the key word here is "Consistently!"

Time Out - Go get a mani and pedi, shop 'til you drop [within your means, of course], take a trip to Barnes and Noble to read a book [my fav]. Taking a break from the world of stress... that is school, work, personal life, whatever it maybe, don't forget to treat yourself! You've deserve it.

Like everything in life, all of this will not transpire over night...it takes patience, it takes control, it takes time to nurture and genuinely fulfill. So I will leave you all with an analogy that was posed to me by Ms. Allyson Leak [Jewelry designer and Founder of She-Blogs.com] that helped me along this personal journey I've chosen to embark on. It is a great connection and reminder towards achieving a LIFE WORTH LIVING.

"One day you're feeling rather creative and you decide to grow some flowers in your garden. So you go to the store to buy a few packs of flower seeds...sunflowers, tulips and all. And you're amped! Then you bring the seeds back home to your garden to dig a whole in the dirt to PLANT these seeds, Plant them, and go about your business after. Now on Day 3, you go outside and there still aren't any flowers blossoming, so you become a little frustrated because you're anxious to see the these beautiful flowers! But the reality IS that you can't point a gun at the ground and say "Grow! Or I'll shoot you!" It's a slow and steady process that requires a lot of work, watering, and most importantly TIME! So have patience and everything will be just fine!"

CHUUUCHH!

Signing Out,

Madame Jay

The Ultimate Bridal Expo: Register Now!

2010-03-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

Valentine's Day made way and, within the blink of an eye, there were tons of updated Facebook relationship status and engagement ring pictures floating all over the web. I would definitely need both hands to count all of my friends that are now engaged which is kind of crazy, exciting, and beautiful all at the same time. *tear* We really are adults now and I can no longer live in denial when I have friends that are either impregnated or about to walk down the aisle. *streaming tears* But if you are a bride to be, or know of someone who's getting married soon, here's an event that might offer some assitance to the most nerve wrecking, hectic part of the engagement...WEDDING PLANNING! Some of the stories I've heard about preparing for the big day makes me extremely happy and grateful that I, already, have my entire wedding planned in my head... down to the music, and who's dancing with who to what song.lol And mind y'all, I am nowhere close to being any man's bride. SMH. But for the not so anxious ladies, Circle of Sisters is here to help with some inspiration and ideas for your big day.

WBLS 107.5 wants to help you get ready for the biggest day in your life. Join them on March 20, 2010 from 10am -6pm with vendors that will help along the wedding planning process. From invitations, decorations, the cake, and most importantly THE DRESS, there will be professionals there to help.

THE ULTIMATE BRIDAL SHOWCASE

Hotel Pennsylvania

401 7th Avenue @33rd Street

Expo is on the 18th Floor

New York, New York

Click and enter here at the PRE-REGISTRATION LINK for advanced entry on the day of the event and to qualify for winning one the following early bridal gifts:

A Free Wedding Dress courtesy of The Wedding Center of Commack
A $100 Make-Up gift bag courtesy of NARS Cosmetics- "Trust Your Imagination"
A $250 Macy's Gift Card
Season 1 of Zane's Sex Chronicles DVD to spice up the wedding night

For the Fashionable Brides, there will be a BRIDAL FASHION SHOW at 4pm with gown designs by The Wedding Center of Commack. Be sure to attend to see the latest trends in bridal fashions.

Congratulation ladies, and thanks for giving the singles crowd hope that love is still, very much, possible.

International Women's Day

2010-03-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

Sending warm Women's Day wishes to all of my lovely, hard-working, caring, fly, and fabulous ladies. It almost seems as if the Heavens knew that today was our day and blessed us with such BEAUTIFUL weather...60 degrees and the sun is shining brighter than ever! *smile* Enjoy!

Signing Out,

Madame Jay

Photo via Photobucket.com

Mo'Nique at the Academy Awards

2010-03-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

I refuse to get into the poor craft and negative undertone of the movie "Precious" right now, only because I strongly believe that Mo'Nique embodied this extremely controversial role and did it well. In my book, such talent should not be discredited, so let's give her a round of applause, shall we? *clap clap clap clap clap* Winning an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress is MAJOR and truly inspiring! The speech wasn't as invasive as I had imagined, but she basically summed everything that I hoped for her to say with one line, "Sometimes, you have to forgo doing what's popular to do what's right!" AND, I could not agree more.

Oh and as a Women's History Month tidbit, it should be known that Mo'Nique is now the 1st Talk Show Host to win an Academy Award. How cool is that?! She is creating history and taking ALL screens by storm...the Silver, the Green, she's an acting machine! (I like to free-style sometimes, so pardon me lol) Bravo Ms. Parker!

Signing Out,

Madame Jay

For The Love of 'The Game'

2010-03-05T01:07:00.000-08:00

...And by "the game," I'm actually referring to a basketball game. As much as we, as women, love Derwin and those undeniably addicting relationship tales in the TV series, "The Game," basketball happens to be one of my first loves and I wanted to dissect the game from a different perspective after wondering...Why aren't most women interested in sports? I'm talking...edge of the seat, adrenaline pumping, screaming at the TV type of interested?

So yesterday while on my lunch break at the workplace, I was watching the Los Angeles Lakers vs. Miami Heat game, eating some delicious Green Tea and Banana Split frozen yogurt, and in walks a group of 3 female co-workers. There was 1:30 left in overtime, the Heat was up by two points, I'm tweeting through the game, and out of the blue I look up only to see my co-workers staring at me as if ants were crawling all over my face. I'm pretty sure that a part of their hearts wanted to turn the channel, but umm...that wasn't gonna happen. And, more importantly, i knew that they were looking at me all crazy because of the way i was practically drooling over the game. Be it basketball, football, baseball, or soccer, you usually don't see many women who enjoy sports in this manner and my question is WHY? Granted, there is a small percentage of women who can "tolerate" the game for the sake of seeing sexy men run a muck, aggressively yet strategically, while sweating and breathing until their chests swell up. WHEW! *grabs fan* Or maybe watching it suffices as quality time with her man, but when it comes down to actually enjoying the sport, there are some fanatics and then there are others that when asked to do so, it's almost like you're telling her to donate her most favoritest (made that up!) pair of pumps to The Salvation Army. Not happening!

Most of my love for the game...well basketball...has developed from being introduced to it during childhood. When i was in kindergarten, smaller than a lil pip squeak, my dad would have me running suicides and in the lay-up line during basketball practice for his eighth graders, a boy's team at that. I rode the team bus to away games and watched a countless number of games for MANY years to follow. But had I not been given this experience, would I be one of those women with little to no interest in sports? It raises the question of whether or not a love for "the game" stems from a passion, an induced interest, or simply a pleasure interest. I really don't know the answer to this, or even why women generally aren't into sports, but I do know that most women MIGHT not enjoy "the game" because:

1. Shopping is more fun! DUH! I mean seriously ladies, if someone offers you $300.00 to be used on your choice of a court side seat or a mini shopping spree at Bloomies...without hesitation, most women would choose shopping. It's in our blood or something!

2. Culture and society has indirectly stigmatized sports as a guy thing, very similar to how "blue is for boys and pink is for girls." *side eye* Whatever. People gain interest in what they want, when they want, and how they want. Just as a woman can listen to RAP music and should not be considered thug-ish or "rough around the edges", women CAN also play and/or watch sports without neccessarily carrying a manly undertone. That's my opinion.

3. Sports are extremely physical, while women are more emotionally abstract in nature. This isn't to say that one is better than the other, it just makes it difficult for women to draw a connection with the game...depending on the woman!

Watching sports is a preference and engaging in a game or two most certainly does not make a woman less "ladylike" to enjoy it. So maybe some of you ladies who aren't really into it, can fill me in...Why aren't you interested? Does it bore you? And for the sports lovers, I'd like to know what you think as well! Speak on it...I'm all ears ;)

Signing Out,'
Madame Jay

Art in Style by Dawn Okoro

2010-03-03T21:25:00.000-08:00

While perusing this here innanet, I just so happened to stumble upon these terribly GORGEOUS paintings by Dawn Okoro. Born in Austin, TX, this graduate of Thurgood Marshall's School of Law prides herself in creating art "inspired by fashion and consumerism!" I like to think of her as the Chrisette Michelle of Art...refreshing, innovative and unique. As I am totally obsessed with Black Art, owning a piece or two designed by this artistic genius would be the next best thing to Frosted Flakes and Boomerang for me. They are definitely MUST haves for the collection. Visit Dawn Okoro.com to see more of her works and check out her most recent interview via The Get Togetha Blog. Hopefully, we'll be seeing more of her pieces around. Simply beautiful!

Signing Out,

Madame Jay

Miss Jessies comes to TARGET

2010-03-03T14:54:00.001-08:00

"THE BEST DARN CURL CREMES PERIOD !"

Naturally curly or just plain natural girls, I'm pretty sure that the Hair Gods had YOU in mind when creating this Dynamic Duo. Sisters, Titi and Miko Branch are the founders of Miss Jessie's hair products, and are well known for their expertise in styling curly, kinky, and wavy hair of all types and textures. The organic, all natural brand concocted by the duo aims to define and brighten your existing natural texture into luxurious, voluminous curls through a few quick and easy steps. Just grab a spray water-bottle, wide tooth comb, blow dryer and your choice of Miss Jessie's Curly Pudding or Curly Meringue, then go to work! These cremes CAN be used at home, as there are no chemicals involved, and will be coming to a TARGET near you on March 28th! But, there is also a Miss Jessie's Salon in Brooklyn, NY for all of you cosmetically challenged ones that require extra attention...mmm hm I see you!

I am still an addict of the Hair Crack (relaxers), but after viewing some of the 'Before and After' photos on the site, I'll admit that Miss Jessie definitely has your girl contemplating the eau natural free flowing look...juuuust maybe will I gain some guts to actually go for the big cut! We'll see what the summer holds ;) In the meantime, head on over to Miss Jessies for Salon Hours and Location, How-To Tutorials, Celebs, Feedback and more.

Here's A Video How-To of What Miss Jessie's Can Do. This woman's hair turned out AMAZING! Enjoy.

Signing Out,Madame Jay

Paying It Forward

2010-02-22T23:38:00.000-08:00

So usually I do not open any chain letters or forward messages that are sent to me via text/email because as crazy as it may sound, I actually feel guilty after not sending it to the 5 or 10 people that it instructs me to. *crazy side eye* As if God is really going to crack the sky and curse me tomorrow or something, right? Yeah...I know. Weird! But a few days ago a friend sent this encouraging forward text that I could not wait to share with you ladies. As always I did not forward it to any of my contacts, but we can consider this my act of "Paying it Forward." Be Encouraged!

Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter..
Some of their houses will be bigger.
Some will drive a better car.
And their boyfriend will buy them a gazillion things
and fix things around the house.
So let it GO, and LOVE YOU and your circumstances.
Think About It!
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
The most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
The richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes- might be lonely.
And the Word says
"If I have not Love, I am nothing."
So again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror, smile and say, I am too blessed to be stressed
And too annointed, to be Disappointed!
Winners make things happen...Losers let things happen.
Be Blessed LADIES and Encourage each other!

Signing Out,
Madame Jay

BHM: Dorothy Dandridge

2010-02-12T21:40:00.000-08:00

(Photos via Photobucket.com)

Dorothy Jean Dandridge (November 9, 1922- September 8, 1965) was the first African- American actress to be nominated for an Academy Award and made one of the largest contributions to the role of Blacks in film. As a teenager, Dandridge appeared in many small films including A Day in the Race (1937) and Drums of Congo (1942). However, her most memorable lead role in Carmen Jones (1954), costarring Harry Belafonte, set the tone which catapulted her acting career. Dandridge had soul and talent, but during the racially unjust times of the 1950s, it became extremely difficult for her to find roles of her caliber because filmmakers could not create becoming roles for a light skinned Black. Filmmakers soon reverted to prejudiced visions of interracial romance and 'she appeared in several poorly racially and sexually charged dramas like Tomango (1959), in which she played the mistress to the captain of a slave ship. African American filmmakers frowned upon her interracial roles and soon after, Dandridge's personal life and acting career began to make a downward spiral. Dandridge fell into a depression, drinking heavily and taking anti depressants, and On September 1965, Dandridge was found dead in her hotel room from a suspected suicidal drug overdose.

Yet, here is living proof that Dandridge's legacy LIVES ON......

Photos via @ Photobucket

The Fishers: 85 Years of Marital Bliss

2010-02-10T14:03:00.000-08:00

Sick of hearing the statistics of divorce and marriage rates for Black women? Have any questions on dating? Need advice and inspiration to keep the love sparks flying within your relationship? Then check out the love story of Zelmyra Fisher (born December 10, 1907- Present), the wife of Herbert Fisher (June 10, 1905- Present)... I'm almost certain that she can teach you a thing or two about love. Zelmyra and Herbert have been married for EIGHTY FIVE years! (85), ochenta y cinco, ottantacinque, LXXXV. Wow!lol And together they are the world's longest-married living couple in the Guinness Book of World Records.

The Craven County, North Carolina natives exchanged vows on May 13, 1924 and have five children together. The Fishers still reside in their home that was purchased soon after they got married and their relationship has survived wars and turmoil, literally not figuratively, through the years. Together they've experienced the Civil Rights Movement, WWII, The Great Depression, and an ever changing environment; yet the LOVE remains the same between the two and they claim to never fight. Zelmyra still remembers what Herbert was like when she first married him, "He was not mean, he was not a fighter. He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet," she tells New Bern Sun Journal. How cute!

Though traditions have changed, and the values in love and relationships seems to have pulled a disappearing act, I'm curious to know what advice they will share on maintaining a healthy relationship for so many years. We've heard the opinions of the Black male and other misogynistic backlash on the personalities/behaviors of Black women as causes for divorce and the slim chance of marriage; but, perhaps if more people of the our generation, both women AND men, were to adapt some of the customs of love from our elders, the Single Black Woman percentage would be more of a rumor than a statistic. Tadow!

The Fishers did not invent a historical tool but they most certainly HAVE opened a new perspective on the possibility of love for a lifetime. Follow Zelmyra and Herbet on Twitter via @LongestMarried and tweet your relationship concerns and/or questions. They will be responding to 14 inquiries and sharing their love story on Valentine's Day 2010. **tear** Seasoned, Technologically 'Hip', and in LOVE. LOVES IT!

Signing Out,
Madame Jay

BHM: Vanessa Williams

2010-02-08T17:04:00.000-08:00

There she is... Not 'Mz. Berry', Cocktail, or (insert another Scrumptious Food/Drink here given to a woman that feels on top of the world after winning a competition) But "There she is...Miss A-Mer-I-CA...Da Da Da Daaa, I don't know the wooords!" *queue pageant music*

Vanessa Williams (born March 18, 1963)... singer, songwriter, model and actress... became the first African-American woman to be crowned Miss America in 1984. The pageant was first established in 1921 solely as a "Beauty" pageant, but later developed into a more holistic competition which incorporated career aspirations, service to the community, achievements and talents as judging criteria for the contestants. Many Black women had auditioned and participated since the first show in 1921, and it wasn't until 63 years later that a Black woman was actually crowned Miss America. Unfortunately, in July of 1984, Vanessa Williams had to relinquish the title due to previous soft core pornographic pictures that were published in Penthouse magazine. Nevertheless, Williams brought the beauty of an African American woman into a Universal perspective, and opened the doors for other young women of color that aspire to be a leader, notable not only for her beauty, but for talent, intelligence and ambition too.

Caressa Cameron (Miss America 2010), you owe this woman.

Signing Out,

Madame Jay

Black History Month: Roslyn M. Brock

2010-02-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

Around this time last year, I attended a gala held in Newark, NJ for the Newark Bronze Shields Organization and had the privilege of hearing this woman speak. All eyes and ears in the room were fully tuned in, and every head nodded in agreeance with her words of truth, inspiration, and conviction proposed for the Black/ Minority communities. She is Roslyn M. Brock (1965-Present), the Vice Chairman of the National Board of Directors for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People(NAACP), the youngest and first woman EVER to hold this position in the organization's history. From her feature in Ebony magazine's "Future Leader" article back in the 1980s to earning three Masters degrees and graduating Magna Cum Laude from Virginia Union University in undergrad, she definitely epitomizes what I like to call "Living History." Her profile extends FAR beyond my blogging capabilities, but WhoIsRoslynBrock.com does a wonderful job at summing up ALL of her GREATNESS. (Definitely check out the website! Woah!)

Along with serving several leadership roles for the NAACP within the past 25 years, Brock predominately reigns as a guest lecturer traveling all over the globe to help alleviate issues of poverty, inequality, health, and financial instability in the minority communities. AND as if those jobs aren't enough, she is also employed as Vice President, Advocacy and Government Relations for Bon Secours Health System, Inc., in Marriottsville, Maryland, all at the youthful age of 45. Wewph! Say no more!

So Where Does This Ambition Stem From? What lies within Roslyn Brock's HEART?

Brock's goals and vision of life embodies an African Proverb that she lives by... "Care more than others think is wise, Risk more than others think is safe, Dream more than others think is practical, and Expect more than others think is possible." Perfect and powerful! This definitely should inspire everyone to discover a MANTRA for life and live it to their fullest potentials. I know that it has for me. We all have to start somewhere.

Much love and support given to Ms. Roslyn Brock in all of her endeavors and as she prepares for the upcoming election on February 10, 2010 to become the Chairman of Directors for the NAACP. Phenomenal and Faithful, she is!

Signing Out,

Madame Jay

Step 4: Believe in 'YOU'

2010-01-02T18:21:00.000-08:00

No, this isn't seance, but I'd like everyone reading this post to take a deep breath and Relax.......BREATHE IN! BREATHE OUT! Clear your mind for the next few moments as you watch this video and allow these beautifully written words of inspiration and melodies to marinate. I could not have given a better source of motivation for believing in you than what is presented here. This video is a personal favorite of mine that speaks so many inspirational truths in a subtle yet assuring way....Enjoy
"Believe In You"

Source: youtube.com
If you haven't already, NOW is the time to become your own biggest fan and "Believe in You." Live it, Own It, Act! There will be monkey wrenches and periods of doubt along your journey, but the higher your personal assurance soars, the slighter the chances of set backs and sources of 'No's' become. Believe.

Signing Out,
Madame Jay

Step 3: Follow Your Heart

2009-10-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

(Ok my loves, I know that I took a while for this post, but here's the deal! I'm actually going through the program with you all! Yea, i know! It's a little weird. You're probably wondering, "how is she going to be a student and the teacher simutaneously?" And my only response to that is, "If Jesus walked on water, anything is possible!" So here it goes...)

Have you ever been torn over a situation or problem to a point of physical and emotional distress? Your mind says go left, while your heart is pulsating through your chest, screaming from waaayy down yonder.

Decision making is a natural occurrence in human growth and development, and at some point in every one's life, a choice must be made that will soon affect a future manifestation. There is just no way to successfully avoid it. Recently, I had to make a HUGE decision between mind vs. heart and let me tell you that it was no easy task....What Happened, you say?! Well for a while, I've been battling with my career path. I've worked years upon years in the medical field, nursed people back to health as if my middle name was medicine and then some. Now i've always loved my patients but i knew that there was something in my daily work activity missing. While discovering the missing link, i was devastated and stressed! And it wasn't until I actually began to listen to my heart and follow those gifts granted to me by GOD that I found comfort. I asked myself, "What is your passion? If you died tomorrow, what will send you to HEAVEN at peace in mind, body, and heart?" It took some time to figure this out, but I knew that I had to follow my heart in order to find it. Instead of Nursing, I am now pursuing a career in Project Management/Education and will be investing the rest of my life and time into building the self established P.E.T.E Organization. This is the choice that I have made and I haven't felt so relieved and assured in a life decision as I do with this one.

A good friend once told me that "A WOMAN lives by the beats of her heart. A man lives by the voices in his head. If you want something done, ask a WOMAN. If you want something said, ASK a man!"

Whatever the result, being positive or negative, after following your heart you are guaranteed to walk away from the situation with SOMETHING valuable. If the outcome is what you desired, then you can walk away feeling relieved, assured, and proud about the decision you've made! If the outcome doesn't go according to plans, you will walk away with a lesson learned; hopefully, identifying your mistake and making changes accordingly. When your heart is in the lead, remember to always keep an open mind because there are no guarantees...living life is all about Faith and CHANCE...a gamble for the non-spiritual, and unless you love yourself enough to play, you will find yourself following the most unfulfilling entities!

Intellectuals may tell you to follow your mind because that is the most logical thing to do and a spiritual leader will tell you to follow "God." I'm not sure which category i fall under other than "Genuine," and I believe that your heart should be in God and continue to "Follow Your Heart!"

Step 2: Love Thy Self

2009-09-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

"Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it, our other efforts to love fail. Giving ourselves love we provide our inner being with the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always longed to receive from someone else. "
- Bell Hooks
Source: All About Love: New Visions

Step 1: No More Drama

2009-09-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

Consider this to be the beginning of a 12-step program...for young women in need of an escape from the girl they used to be, or for women that are scavenging for inspiration to BOB and WEAVE the challenges of this thing we call, LIFE! Now let's make it clear that I am, by no means, an expert on being the most fine upstanding woman; however, I am well aware of the developmental necessities in becoming a transformed, productive individual despite life's curve balls and roller coasters.

Let's begin with...

Step 1: No More Drama

Source: You Tube

Who better to assist in the termination of drama and strife than the inspirational songstress, Mary J. Blige. This happens to be my ALL TIME favorite performance given by my ALL TIME favorite artist @ the Grammy's in 2002. So long ago, I know! But once you dismiss the age and that hideous gold suit, you will understand why a fresh start into our program would not be proper without this clip!

Ladies, a relation to MJB's story might be a stretch, but I'm almost positive that as a female, you've experienced some form of "Drama in your Life." Whether it be a friendship gone soar, a welted relationship, or the daily verbal, gossip hanky-panky, we ALL have partook in our share. I don't know why, but it seems to me that these are the new sex linked traits, carried on that second X chromosome...No? But like MJB and other women who have persevered through their trials, it is important that we embrace a DRAMA FREE regimen to avoid carrying these traits for eternity.

I listed a few Key Steps to my personal Drama Free Regimen that I would like to share with you all and maybe you too can implement them into your own.

1. Surround yourself with positive people! Smiles, inspiration, and happiness are truly contagious and it's best to be around people who reflect such optimism.

2. Say, Do, Think as you feel without any worries or hesitation to the judgements of others. Be yourself at all costs. Those who matter won't mind and those who mind dont matter....Mad cliche, but oh so true!

and...
3. Live with God in your heart (umm i should have listed this first with NEON pink highlights. It's just THAT important!)

So when there is an urge to act out of character or give into those unfortunate circumstances, remember this regimen and that you too can STOMP those Demons. And it's alright, it's OK... if you have two left feet and aren't quite certain on how to STOMP appropriately, just peep MARY @ 2:15 into this clip. She is clearly the master of stompage! Phenomenal Performance... LOVE HER!

Signin' Out, Madame Jay

Well! Well! Well!

2009-09-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

My mind has been boggled. Life has yet to fall anything short of hectic. My heart rode the roller coaster of a lifetime, but this is not my excuse. It is merely another Lesson.

What good is a soul that does not live and learn. Taking chance, after chance. Wait, let's stop there and just say that, I've had my share of lessons.

Although, I thank them. Lessons, that is... For their consistency and insight. More than any book could ever grant.

For their assistance in becoming Me, and a sounding board for others. A gift and a curse, where the reality is...This is what some wish to be...

So no apologies for my absence this time because I've been led on this path, only to discover A clearer mind, A fulfilled life, A stronger heart.

And the only thing left to say now is...
"Well! Well! Well!"....I'm baaaaAAck ;)

Singin' Out,
Madame Jay

Thank God, but Don't Forget About Mary!

2009-04-12T11:25:00.001-07:00

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! Let's take it to CHURCH and remember why we celebrate this day on which Christians base their faith...

Corinthians 15:3-8: "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ was crucified and died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day, and that he appeared to Peter and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep."

Yes, GOD sacrificed, giving his only begotten son. And yes, Jesus Christ was crucified, but let's not forget about the virgin Mary! Have you ever thought about where we'd be as Christians, sins and all, had this baby not miraculously leaped into her WOMB!?? hmmm....I'm aware that Mary's relevance is completely inanimate to the celebration of Easter, but cut me some slack! This is a women's based blog for crying out loud, AND that's probably the dopest tat I've ever seen of Mary (pic above)!lol Don't Judge Me.

**Nevertheless, I thank Jesus Christ on this day and everyday for his Sacrifice and Mercy! O What Love He has for Me, that he would give His life to save a wretch like you and ME! **

Visit The Resurrection of Christ for a more biblical approach to teaching and understanding the significance of Easter Sunday. HAPPY reading and again, HAPPY EASTER!

Beyonce' Evolved?? Perhaps!?

2009-04-04T11:57:00.001-07:00

Keri Hilson has a writing career to savor. So let's just say that it was wise and commendable of her to clear the air, denouncing allegations of dissin' Beyonce in her latest release of the Turnin' Me On Remix. Humph! If recording artists were paying me hundreds of thousands of dollars to write 16 verses (that doesn't necessarily have to rhyme), with a catchy chorus... I would've reacted the exact same way... But, they aren't... And I'm just a lil ol' blogger! So, let's keep it REAL. The lyrics:

"You can dance, she can sing but need to move it to the (left)...So need to go have some babies, So need to sit down, she fake..."

are quite accurate of Bey, and have actually been my sentiments PRECISELY! No, I'm not a "Beyonce HATER!" I just choose not to gravel at every song, performance or interview given by the woman. She has undeniable beauty, married to one of the most wealthy Hip-Hop moguls of our generation, and could probably dance and sing until the walls collapse. A phenomenal entertainer she is, but COME ON! Does the world actually know who "I AM...," truly is?? I'm talking about personality PEOPLE!

If she denies another song from being a rendition of a personal experience, I'm gonna SCREAM! So... she never kicked a B/F "to the LEFT", Jay-Z never "gave another the 'very thing' that He gave" to her, and if this marriage is her first serious relationship, as she claims, she's never been anyone's "Suga Momma!" Damnit Bey, I give up! The only thing that we ARE certain of, is how DEEPLY in LOVE she is with her huuuussband! That's all fine and dandy, but this in turn, raises the question of whether her fans are more attracted to Sasha, the entertainer, or Beyonce, the person??

I'm personally a fan of artists that express a sense of identity both on and off-stage. Someone that isn't afraid to let loose and share some experiences. No one is PERFECT! I mean even God cursed folks every now and again! From Bey, I need reinvention, a ballad from the heart, a tribute to Destiny's Child or an apology for completely "NEXTin" the group! Kelly Rowland, who? Michelle Williams, huh? All of this, 'DIVA' wantin' to have her picture taken on a 'Video Phone' is pure nonsense! All of the fans that have loved Bey since her, "NO, NO, NO" days have matured and evolved, and i think it's time that Bey follow suit!
...............................................................................................

So I walked in my kitchen a couple of weeks ago, only to see this April 2009 issue of EBONY magazine laying on the table. (Sidebar: This is probably Beyonce's 80th time covering EBONY magazine!!) I read the article out of curiosity and to my surprise, it was pretty impressive! Bey opens up...A LOT! Everyone wondered whether Tina and Matthew were living their dreams through Beyonce, and I must admit that isn't the case. Bey tells EBONY who she is as an individual when the cameras go off, and how quarrels seem to creep in between she and her family...Jay-Z and having her dad as a manager included! KUDOS Bey!! Or should i say KUDOS EBONY, for a great article?... Only time will Tell!

And to all of you Beyonce worshippers reading this post, understand that "There ain't no Hateration, Holleration in this Jamboree"...I'm just simply stating the facts!

CHECK OUT this clip of Behind the Scenes footage during the interview and shoot! The woman even admits to always "being politically correct ...!" ITS A MIRACLE!

Signing Out,

Madame Jay

Conscientious of Time: A Priceless Tool to Success

2009-03-03T20:44:00.000-08:00

"Time has no independent existence apart from the order of events in which we measure it." - Albert Einstein

Postpone something for one hour and a day has already passed. Rest for the day and you'll eventually find yourself asking, where has the WEEK gone? Become captivated in one task for a week and before you realize, the entire month is over!! No, make that 2 months! WTF?!

Time flies without any regards to our current standing. Therefore, i think it's best that WE remain conscientious of its essence to our SUCCESS, and keep the wheels of LIFE spinning! Save the drama for ya mama, leave the cat in the bag, and whatever other cliche' that may be applicable to hindering SUCCESS... because while one is in deep altercation with any of those issues, TIME just might pass you by!! **drops mic...**

Signin' Out,

Madame Jay

The Ultimate WOMAN

2009-01-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

Inauguration is right around the corner, Malia and Sasha started school in D.C this week, and the United States of America is about to have its first Black Family in the White House. This definitely calls for a celebratory post, except that it's not for the president; it's for his wife. Next to every good man stands a GREAT WOMAN! Ms. Michelle Obama, ladies and gentleman! (Let's give her a round of applause!!) She is a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a lawyer, a motivational speaker, and most importantly, she is our First Lady. There aren't many females that can juggle the pressures and responsibilities associated with these titles, while still maintaining sanity. So for this reason, I am dedicating this post to my lovely aunt, Mrs. Obama. :-p

The ULTIMATE WOMAN:
As a Harvard Law student, Michelle Obama focused on recruiting African-American undergrads from other schools into the law program, as her husband was elected president of the Law Review. After graduating and having two children, she worked as a lawyer and tended to Malia and Sasha's involvement in extracurricular activities. Michelle was never fond of politics and the negativity that it entailed; however, once Barack showed interest, she supported him on his political journey to fulfill his dream of Change and Hope, and vowed to 'give it her all." While on the 2008 Presidential campaign trail, Michelle gave speeches all over the United States, proving to America that her husband was the best and most qualified candidate to run this country. She accomplished all of this without sacrificing the stability and love within her family. She is a woman of elegance, commitment, and dedication.

THE MOMENT I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER: Watching Michelle Obama co-host my favorite talk show, THE VIEW, in July 2008, was sort of like seeing TYSON BECKFORD stand in front of me naked!!! Amazing!! I admit that I heard various speeches that Michelle had given prior to this appearance, but it wasn't until this particular show that I realized how graceful, humble, and genuine she truly is. I think that because she was given an opportunity to discuss ordinary issues outside of politics, her true personality showed....so down to earth, sort of like one of my family members or something. Take a look and you will understand! (WARNING: This video is 25 minutes long, but if you truly love Michelle and I, you'd watch the entire thing :-)

Michelle Obama is 'THEE' ULTIMATE WOMAN. Hands down! She demonstrates strength without being arrogant, she represents beauty without having the physique and features of a super model, she supports and cares for her family, and still has personality. THAT, my friends, is what being a WOMAN is all about!

And for the record, can someone please tell me what kind of Shampoo and Conditioner this WOMAN uses? I want beautiful, bouncy hair too!!!!

Heartless: Your Man & His Female Friend

2009-01-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

A close friend once asked the question, "Would you let your boyfriend go to the movies with his female friend?"

Madame Jay: **Crossed-eyes** WHAT?!! Of course my answer was, "HELL NO!" And i immediately thought that this was a dumb question; BUT, (there is always a "but") that was only until I realized that there are women who feel, what we call, "secure within their relationship" and would actually allow such a thing. "Oh, he's not going anywhere." "That girl doesn't have anything on ME!"

PLEASE!!! Secure, Schmecure... a man is still a man.
I am fairly savvy on the Male Psyche, so here's why I would chose the contrary. And guys, care to alarm me if i'm mistaken. BETTER YET, don't say anything! You all might deny a lot of these actions because they are sometimes subconscious.

The mere sight of a WOMAN can send a man's hormones in a whirpool.
He sees something unique in the friend, even if she is of lower caliber, because he is immuned to the same 'ol qualities and standards of his present girlfriend.
If the friend is experienced and good at what she does, he is intrigued and weakened by her charm.
He invisions what tricks this girl may have up her sleeve.

If the girl is an OLD friend, my man is definitely not leaving my sight:

An old friend knows everything there is to know about my man.
She knows all of his buttons, which ones to push, the ones she shouldn't push, and even the right times to push them.
They have HISTORY; mostly good memories because friends that are male/female normally stick together without arguments.

So, why should I let my man go to the movies with his female friend? LADIES WOULD YOU ALLOW THIS? I think not. When dealing with the opposite sex, you have to be conscious of all the possibilities, whether positive or negative. Allowing your man to be alone with another woman provokes a chance of escape...a way to manuever his way out of your reach and into the arms of the FEMALE FRIEND. Correct or Incorrect??

Well Ladies, my "Tell-All Session" has come to an end...I thought I'd leave you all with this song. I felt that it was rather appropriate for this post... "HEARTLESS" :-)

Questions, comments, concerns, disagree? Let Me know!!

Women Getting Holla'D At!

2008-12-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

The extent of "cat-calling" to which these young women are referring to is predominately found within the inner-cities and African American communities. This does not mean that such harrassment is not found amongst other nationalities; however, they are basing their judgement on what they have experienced.

BLACK WOMAN WALKING

I honestly believe that some of the concepts were taken to the extreme, but this is, in fact, an issue that WOMEN face daily that I'd like to address.

Some WOMEN are flattered by such attention and others may be disgusted, but the fact of the matter is that men like to look... and that is sort of inevitable. Whether it is verbal or non-verbal, their reactions to women are like 2nd nature. (Can you blame them though? Just look at us!)

"Always being under scrutiny, always being inspected, always being sized-up, always being rated and always being evaluated," even when you are wearing baggy jeans and a hoody can be a little overbearing at times, but it is up to the WOMAN to exude a sense of grace and present herself in a way that will only allow the approach of respect and cordiality.

Granted, there are ignorant Men that will make negative comments....and could care less about who's mother, sister, or aunt you are, or how sophisticated you look, but that should not hault a WOMEN from being humble and regal. Obviously, these guys do not have proper home training, so do NOT take offense to it. It really isn't their fault. The last thing society needs is another unneccessary casualty because you didn't didn't like what he said and didn't give him the digits. As a WOMAN, "Every single action we take, we have to think about, Am I putting myself in a dangerous situation?"

So with all of this said, Ladies, do you take such attention as a compliment or harrassment?

Six Words Women Use

2008-12-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

Ladies! I thought you all might get a good laugh from this e-mail that I received. And fellas, consider this as your warning to avoid arguments once you hear the terminology!

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) *Loud Sigh* : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

***Though these are common phrases used by women, "I LOVE YOU," "THANK YOU", and my personal favorite,"You're the Best" should be used more often than those listed above. Don't always be the "Angry Black woman", shed a little light and sincerity :-)

'Tis the Season to be Simple & Sexy

2008-12-22T15:01:00.000-08:00

With holiday festivites advancing within a week, I thought I'd offer a few last minute beauty tips that will help you ladies present a simple, yet sexy, look. If you would like to reinvent your image or just look FIERCE for the New Year, here are some pointers on achieving that Natural Glow...

The HAIR .
Whether you have short, medium, or long tresses, volume means everything. Nothing is more sexy than a full-head of hair. Choppy bobs, layers, and razor cuts will create the ideal look of healthy hair. The style should not say that you are trying too hard. Effortless, free flowing hair is more desirable. If extensions are your preference, geer towards straight human hair, cut into a natural style. It does not have be self evident that you are wearing a weave.

The MAKE-UP.
I am personally a fan of make-up that is applied on a scale from 0-3. Less is more and layers of make-up aren't neccessary to be Beautiful!

Make sure your Concealer/ Foundation is:

...non-comedogenic. These products contain less pore-clogging agents that will not add weight to your skin. Not only are we trying to look fabulous in the New Year, but we are also striving for smooth and vibrant skin 20 years from now. Preserve your skin. Sephora offers a wide variety of these products.
... a color that compliments your skin tone. Even celebrities, like Dawn from Danity Kane, has fallen short in this department! Beauty consultants are posted at every cosmetic counter in the malls, so take advantage. I'm sure they'd much rather be of your assistance, than hound everyone that walks within arms distance.

Define the eyes with contrasting eye-shadow colors. Smudged smoke grays and gold hues are extremely sexy for all skin tones.

Blush should be left to a minimum. A stroke or two is enough to define the cheek bone without resembling Betty Boop.
Eyeliner to accentuate the shape and/or color of your eyes is always a plus. Experiment with colored liners for a more dramatic look.
Drinks are flowing from every angle during this time of year; thus, it is important that you apply long-lasting lip wear. Natural lip color and/or shades of rose, with a top coat of MAC's glossing will definitely be an eye catcher.

Beauty Don't vs. Beauty Do

By no means, am I a make-over expert or cosmetologist, but I am well aware of what looks natural/ elegant, and what doesn't. Ladies, let's bring in the year 2009 with simplicity and sexiness. The double- dagger that will have guys stumbling, and our esteems flying HIGH! Be safe partying and Happy Holidays!

A Drastic Transformation

2008-12-17T17:58:00.000-08:00

I have always been a huge fan of Keyshia Cole, since her debut album, The Way It Is, was released in June of 2005. (Yes, I remember the month because it brings back memories.) Her sultry voice, and lyrics of pain and rough upbringing were very captivating and "real." The first single from most artists is normally the best song produced because it is written at a time when that particular artist is still starving for fame, and Keyshia Cole proved to be no different. "I Change My Mind" is actually one of my favorites from the songstress, and Kanye West produced one hell-of-a track; but, I did have one major concern from the very beginning... and that was her image! Her vocals were ready for Hollywood, but her image still screamed, "I AM FROM OAKLAND!" The biker shorts and fire-red hair weren't very attractive, so let's THANK GOD that her beautiful voice was strong enough to carry her, thus far. Check out Keyshia Cole's 1st Music Video, I Change My Mind!

Surprisingly, Ms. Cole seems to have been struck by the "Love Bug." Her new album, "A Different Me," veers away from the rugged, melodramatic lyrics, and is replaced by a more upbeat, softer, and rejuvenated Keyshia Cole. She even stepped it up a notch, well maybe about 3 notches, with the image. She presents more of a Hollywood-Glam look, with the tattoos and All! I LOVE IT! The complete ensemble is definitely more appealing to the eye and heart. A lot of guys are referring to her as, "The New Sex Symbol." My favorite track on the new album is "Please Don't Stop," for now. I'm sure the other songs will grow on me once I take that one off of repeat!
I'm not certain on how everyone else feels about her, but I think Ms. Cole has made a Drastic Transformation from just an ordinary female, to a WOMAN! Here's a closer look into the NEW and Improved, Ms. Keyshia Cole.http://www.myspace.com/keyshiacole

A Letter to My Visitors...

2008-12-15T17:43:00.000-08:00

Writing has been one of my most precious gifts since age 14. I would write about everything, from love to family to anger and back to love again, in the form of free-Verse, poems, brainstorming, and essays. You name it and I have tons of books as proof. After receiving great feedback from my peers and mentors, I realized that my works are, in fact, unique and thought-provoking. So what better time to publicly share my thoughts and writings, than the present. We are in a time where values and standards are changing quickly, so I plan to use all of my gifts to its fullest potential until the end of time. There are dreamers, those who chose to remain dormant/ complacent; and there are doers, who take initiative in being proactive. I have chosen to be a doer and start a blog, with the hopes of inspiring young women and giving them something positive to think about.

Why speak of Womens' Issues?

...because it's something different, and I take pride in my WOMANHOOD. Without my biological mother in my life during my years of development, I have learned a lot about being a WOMAN through experience. No one sat me down to advise me on relationships, love, and womanly things, so I observed other important women in my life and experienced a lot. From this, my blog followers can guarantee that my writings are genuine. I plan to discuss relationships, careers, life and health all from a woman's perspective. So I hope you all like it...and FELLAS, maybe you guys can learn a little something too. ENJOY!

Special thanks to Mr. West and K. Biggs for the inspiration!

A HINT of J

Bad Girls Do It Well

This Aint The Usual

It's the Little Things

How To Be to "Holla Back Girl"

Today is Thanksgiving. I Can't Make This Sh*t Up

Thankful

There's Meaning in the Lotus

Live the Phrase...

Endless Gems: I Miss This Lauryn

Inspired to LOVE :: Munaluchi Bridal Magazine

Fluid in H-Town

Jay & Bey @ The VMAs

Mannequin

Gifted

Random Gangsta:: One for the Homies

A Box??... *looking around all bewildered and confused*... What box??!

#2010was Incredible. Unforgettable.

Cooing over CocoaBabies, but I'm still a G

More Than An Inspiration

Raw Truths

For Colored Girls...from a man who sees more in the film than "Black Male Bashing"

Divorce Insurance?? *bbm confused face*

Raw Truths

Amazing Women: Trendy Sweets Edition

A Night of Glamour and Philanthropy

Crushin

Savvy Ways to Save

Gone Flesh, Lucid Spirit

His ORGAN For Her LOVE

IAmHappy. ThatIsAll =)

Grinding Ain't So Bad Afterall

Amazing Women: Dream Hampton Edition

A Few of My Favorite Things

To What Do I Owe This 'Sponsor'ship?

Who Knew??

Summer Sexy

In Full Bloom

Women of Worth

Never Stop Dreaming

Women on the Move

Ladies' First Hip Hop Symposium

Celebrating Women's History

Miss Black New Jersey 2011 Competition: Apply TODAY!!

A Life Worth Living

The Ultimate Bridal Expo: Register Now!

International Women's Day

Mo'Nique at the Academy Awards

For The Love of 'The Game'

Art in Style by Dawn Okoro

Miss Jessies comes to TARGET

Paying It Forward

BHM: Dorothy Dandridge

The Fishers: 85 Years of Marital Bliss

BHM: Vanessa Williams

Black History Month: Roslyn M. Brock

Step 4: Believe in 'YOU'

Step 3: Follow Your Heart

Step 2: Love Thy Self

Step 1: No More Drama

Well! Well! Well!

Thank God, but Don't Forget About Mary!

Beyonce' Evolved?? Perhaps!?

Conscientious of Time: A Priceless Tool to Success

The Ultimate WOMAN

Heartless: Your Man & His Female Friend

Women Getting Holla'D At!

Six Words Women Use

'Tis the Season to be Simple & Sexy

A Drastic Transformation

A Letter to My Visitors...

A Box??... looking around all bewildered and confused... What box??!

Divorce Insurance?? bbm confused face